Charlie's Blog: Cycling Is Stupid


Cycling Is Stupid

 Anyone who would willingly ride a bicycle through the frenzied streets of New York City could only have an I.Q. in the low double digits. That, or a death wish.

I am not a cyclist. I have spent time riding recumbent stationary bikes in gyms, and this is as far as I care to go with cycling. I think this form of cycling is relatively safe and healthy, and I recommend it if you can't get outside for a walk. I do not recommend riding a bicycle outside of a gym. This is because cycling is stupid.

1. Cycling is dangerous.

The first and most basic reason that cycling is stupid is that it will get you killed or seriously injured. If you ride on the road with cars, an idiot driver is going to slam into you or sideswipe you. You can follow all of the rules for the road, wear reflective garb, and don a helmet. None of this matters. In the battle of car vs. bike, the car is going to win. The pickup truck and the big rig are also going to win.

Cyclists who choose to go off road with mountain bikes and gravel bikes encounter the dangers of terrain and going over the handlebars on steep descents. Broken collarbones are common. Mountain bikers end up with as much hardware in their legs and other body parts as they carry on their bikes.

One of the aims of cycling is health. How is it healthy to end up busted up on a road or trail? This is dumb.

2. Cycling is expensive.

You can buy a cheap bicycle from Walmart. Just get ready to get laughed at by your cycling peers and also find the cycling experience less enjoyable. For serious cyclists, their bikes cost thousands of dollars. I have seen bicycles that cost more than a good used car. Who can afford this? Why would you drop serious money like this on a bicycle? This is dumb.

3. Thieves will steal your expensive bicycle.

Bicycle thievery is common and persists despite bike locks and all the rest. If I had to ride a bike, I would make it a folding bike that I could carry with me. Leaving your bike anywhere unattended for ten minutes will result in that bike getting stolen. Some brazen thieves will even steal your bike with you on it. They just knock you down and take your ride. This adds to the danger of cycling that I already mentioned. Riding a bike is an invitation to thieves. This is dumb.

The world is not kind to cyclists. Some cyclists get mad and fight back. This is a fight those cyclists are going to lose. Fighting reality is dumb. This is why I gave up my bicycle years ago and will only ride those recumbent stationary bikes at the gym. They are comfortable and safe and cheaper than getting your thousand dollar bicycle stolen.


These are some headlines I pulled from a recent search for "cyclist" on the news tab of DuckDuckGo:

Woman cyclist hit, killed by SUV in Hialeah

After Driver Hit Him, Teen Cyclist Is Tracked Down and Ticketed—in the Hospital

Cyclist Killed While Riding Rasputitsa Gravel Race in Vermont

Slain Cyclist, Father To Be Honored At Brooklyn Vigil

Cyclist dies after colliding with semi on April 13

Cyclist, 83, dies after colliding with truck on SB Turnpike in Davie

Teenage cyclist killed in Franklin County crash

Cyclist killed in head-on crash with truck during race, Vermont cops say. ‘Nightmare’

Changes planned for Presidio roadway following world champion cyclist's death

Cyclist hit by car outside Jazz Fest now fighting for her life

Cyclist found laying in Manhattan intersection following collision with BMW

'Beloved' Cyclist Mourned After He Was Fatally Hit In Brooklyn

Death of elite cyclist struck by car in S.F. remains a mystery. His friends want answers

I can go on and on with these headlines. Fresh stories of injured and killed cyclists are added daily. The point is that cycling on the road with cars and trucks is deadly. Drivers are supposed to share the road, but they don't. Is cycling worth death or a crippling injury?