I have never read The Mosquito Coast or watched the movie with Harrison Ford. They are both on my reading and watching lists, but I am slow at getting around to these things. I just know that it is a story about an eccentric dad who has a crazy dream and ends up putting his family through hell in pursuit of that dream. Allie Fox is one part genius and one part madman. Unfortunately, he also exists in the real world as a certain type of man who thinks nothing of hurting his family in the pursuit of his dream.
A man finds fulfillment only as a sacrifice. Man is meant to serve others. When a man lives and functions in this servant mode, he is at his best. When a man lives in the selfish mode, he is a disgrace and a failure. Many if not most men live in the selfish mode today.
The servant man looks to Jesus and Saint Joseph as his models of masculinity. He has no dreams that he is chasing. He simply wishes to work and serve His Lord and the people in his life. He may have gifts, but these gifts are meant to serve. They are not hobbies to be indulged for personal satisfaction or the fulfillment of the ego. These are the domain of the selfish man.
Many men are unaware that they are the selfish men. They may even tell themselves that they are doing this for their wives and children. One look at their faces tells a different story. Daddy is living his dream while they are hostages along for the ride they never wanted to take. I've seen wives try and go along with their husband's wishes in a desire to see him happy. Inevitably, this can't last. When a woman finds that she is pulling all the weight in the household while her husband is living the dream, she is out.
What do these selfish men look like? They come in all varieties. One type is the man that writes, paints, or plays music as his wife slaves to support him until he finds his big break in his artisitic endeavors. For a handful, this big break does happen followed by dumping the loyal wife and marrying a trophy wife. For the vast majority, the man's dream never pains out. He is simply a talented bum escaping the reality of working for a living.
Another type is the man devoted to his leisure sports and hobbies. This is the man who spends all of his non-working hours in a deer stand, a fishing boat, or a golf cart. Or, he spends all of his time and money on various toys like Jeeps, lifted trucks, boats, ATVs, motorcycles, Corvettes, and on and on. He is heavily indebted to the bank and the finance company, and his labor is devoted to making those bankers rich. All of this is for the sake of the dream.
There is the man with the homestead who strives to live off-grid and separated from the decadent world like Mr. Douglas on Green Acres. This is great if the family is on board with the program. Unfortunately, I've seen many that didn't share the same passion and dream as the man. His dream of alternative living comes at a price he didn't foresee. You can witness this by watching the men getting blindsided by divorce papers on YouTube homesteading channels.
For most of human history, men did what they did out of necessity. They farmed or worked in the factory to feed their families. Others pursued lucrative professions like medicine or dentistry for the same reason. Men are designed to produce more than they need for their own personal needs and consumption. Men are good at this. They are built to be providers.
This necessity lessened with the prosperity of the 20th century. Men found themselves with leisure time and began to indulge the unnecessary things in life. Eventually, those unnecessary things became the focus of the man's life. He goes from unwinding on the golf course to trying to make the PGA tour. He goes from casting a fishing line off the dock to buying expensive boats and entering fishing tournaments. Or, his job becomes a vehicle for workaholism as he pursues his career ambitions to the neglect of his family.
Men shouldn't have dreams. That may sound harsh and extreme, but I think I am on firm ground in this matter. It is OK to have things meant for relaxation and recreation. These help restore a man in his service to others. But the line is crossed when he goes from being a sacrifice for others to sacrificing others.
How does a man avoid becoming the selfish man? Being religious helps. God wants a man to be virtuous and will help him in this regard. Being poor also helps because most dreams come from a place of prosperity. For those who are not so poor, they should live as if they are poor in the practice of voluntary poverty. Finally, the man should look at his family and ask himself if he is serving them well or simply making them serve him.
The bottom line is that the ultimate way to avoid being the selfish man is to get rid of those dreams. Get them out of your head. Become a man without ambition. You will see this flies in the face of all the popular advice and conventional wisdom to pursue your passions. Almost all of these passions involve selling you a bunch of unnecessary things. Instead of buying that ATV, buy a good lawnmower instead. Instead of buying a Jeep, buy yourself a good pickup truck instead. Instead of buying those golf clubs, buy yourself some hand tools for fixing things around the house. Make hard work your sport and hobby. Otherwise, live a simple life in service to God, family, and country. In this path, you will find the fulfillment you are seeking in your dreams. It is when we lose ourselves that we find ourselves.
