Charlie's Blog: FAQ


This should be called Frequently Asked Dumb Questions. I answer them here.--C.

Q: Why do you not have a Netflix membership?
A: I had a Netflix membership for a couple of years, but I found that at a certain point I was just paying $12 or so per month for a coaster for the coffee table. I found it cheaper to just pay full price for the 2 good movies Hollywood makes each year. I prefer reading books to watching videos.

Q: Where do you get your protein?
A: I get it from the same place the cows get their protein--plants.

Q: Where can I find you on Facebook?
A: You can't. I don't do Facebook. And, no, I'm not going to get on Facebook.

Q: Why do women end up with bad men?
A: Women want men because they don't want to be lonely, but their loneliness is actually boredom. Bad men are more exciting than good men which means less boredom, so women walk all over good men to be with bad men because of the drama those bad men generate. Good men are boring.

Q: Why do men end up with bad women?
A: Men are lazy, so they go for the low hanging fruit. Virtuous women have the nasty trait of wanting to be with virtuous men. Virtue requires effort. Bad women take a man as he is. Vice requires no effort.

Q: Why do you not become a teacher?
A: Public school requires the babysitting of delinquents until they are old enough to go to big boy prison. Private school doesn't pay enough for a man to support himself and a family.

Q: Why do you not go into management?
A: Managers are rats, and I am not a rat. I was unable to shake off my blue collar upbringing. If you can run a business, the best way to do this is to start a business.

Q: Why do you not get a smartphone?
A: I value economy and durability. Smartphones have neither. They will pry my flip phone from my cold dead hand.

Q: Are you an ethical vegan?
A: Nope. I am vegan for health reasons. I still wear leather. I eat honey. I will feed meat to dogs and cats because they are stubbornly non-vegan. I kill rats, mosquitoes, roaches, ants, flies, and deadly spiders. Sorry, PETA.

Q: Why do you oppose a woman's right to choose?
A: Human rights exist because human beings are made in the image of God. This includes unborn children. Divorced from this doctrine of the imago Dei, you end up with paradoxical viewpoints of being pro-choice while defending the right of pigs to not be processed into ham and bacon. Without God, common sense disappears. If meat is murder, abortion is definitely murder.

Q: Are you a minimalist?
A: No. I believe in living a simple life and decluttering and all of that. But I'm not going to spend all my money on Apple products and then spend all my time posting photos of my Apple products on the internet. The best label for me would be "pauper."

Q: Do you have any dating advice?
A: Yes, but you won't like it. Be celibate. If you can't do this, marry a saint.

Q: Why do you hate debt?
A: Debt is the trick pulled on working people to make them work way more than they should. The misery of debt outlasts the pleasures of enjoying something now instead of later.

Q: Do you believe there is life on other planets?
A: Even though I am an avid listener of Coast to Coast AM, my gut feeling is that there is no life on other planets. I could be wrong, and I will have no problem admitting my error if evidence is produced showing life on other planets. As it stands, SETI and the missions to Mars have uncovered zilch in this area. I think if life was as ubiquitous in the universe as everyone claims, we should already have evidence of it. They can keep looking, but I expect that I will be dead before they ever find evidence for extraterrestrial life or intelligence.

Q: Why do you not submit writing to other outlets?
A: People are always recommending that I submit my work to other publications and websites, but I see this as telling someone to shut down their restaurant and go work for McDonald's. The best thing about the internet was that it gave someone like me a place to post my work and be my own editor and publisher. I am not ready to give up on that wonderful thing yet. Plus, when I read the guidelines for submission to other sites, I want to puke.