Charlie's Blog: Bald + Beard


Bald + Beard

We're all born bald, baby.

I never grow a beard on purpose. I grow what I call "the beard of neglect." This is when I stop shaving for awhile because I don't always have the energy to stand in front of a mirror for 30 minutes shaving my entire head. That is one of the curses of my accident. Standing for long periods is very fatiguing for me because of balance issues. Sometimes, I sit down and take rest breaks to get through a shaving session.

Some folks have suggested to me to let my hair and beard grow out on purpose. I don't care to do this. I like having a clean melon as opposed to male pattern baldness and a scratchy beard with dandruff. I don't care what I look like, but I like the feeling of not having hair on my head or face. There is a real benefit there that doesn't get discussed enough.

My all time hero for the shaved head thing is Telly Savalas. He was the first bald guy I remember seeing as a kid who shaved his head. The second was Yul Brynner. Those cats embraced the blade long before Michael Jordan and Bruce Willis. Today, the Rock is carrying the torch for the practice.

There is a channel on YouTube called Baldcafe that I used to follow for inspiration once upon a time, but I don't care for it anymore. This is because the host of the channel does the dreaded practice of combining a shaved head with the nastiest beard on the internet. He inspires me to shave my face more than my head. Unfortunately, he has motivated his channel followers and who knows who else to combine the shaved head with a disgusting beard.

I have no issue with men who grow beards along with letting their hair grow up top. Guys with a horseshoe often do this, and I respect it. They may tidy it up a bit, but they don't waste time shaving the head. The effect of this style is to present a warm appearance. My wife tells me that I look warmer and friendlier when I neglect to shave. She calls this look the "Sailor Man." When I shave the face and melon, I turn into the meaner looking "Snakehead." (Now, you know the origin of my CB handle.)

Being the Snakehead feels better than being the Sailor Man. I hate the beard of neglect because it begins to become itchy and painful by the end of the week. I have been told to try dandruff shampoo on the beard and hair, and I remember using that stuff when I had hair. It never worked. The blade cured my dandruff. But I digress. . .

I hate the look of bald + beard. A fellow in my parish goes for this look, and it isn't flattering. He was a total shaved head guy like me but opted to let his grayish white beard grow while still shaving the head. He looks terrible in my opinion. I don't pay attention to looks on myself or anyone else, but I can't get over the bald + beard thing. Baldness happens, but the beard is a choice. I also include the mustache and the goatee in my derision. If you're going to shave the dome, you need to clean it up in the front while you're at it.

I know of no one who looks good going with bald + beard. NO ONE. I don't think anyone has the stones to tell these guys that they look really bad with this style. It probably doesn't help that these dudes look like they belong to a biker gang or a death metal group. That brings me back to Telly Savalas.

Telly Savalas got it exactly right. He cleaned up that melon and maintained it to the absolute end. And he knew that a spiffy hat and a pair of cool shades finished the look. Looking at pictures of him always motivates me to get a shave. Telly made the bald look very cool.

My final verdict on this is to either clean it up or let it go. Bald + Beard is simply the worst of both worlds. Why would anyone want this?