People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.
FREDERICK DOUGLASS
I am still alive, and I have not abandoned this blog. I have been AWOL from the C-Blog for awhile now as I rethink my life. It is hard for me to do this rethinking while also thinking about things to write for the blog. In the past, I used work and writing as a way to not think about things in my life. This is classic workaholism. Circumstances have made me face things in my life and rethink everything. I am not done with this rethinking. But I am done with my sabbatical from the blog. I need to get back on the horse. Here are some of the things I have been rethinking in my life.
1. TBI
My brain injury has rendered me worthless as a competitive worker. My recovery is measured in increments. My symptoms are chronic. My life is ruined. What am I going to do with my ruined life?
I have resolved to continue doing what I have been doing for the last two years. Work on getting better. Do what I can. Do the best I can. This would apply if I had lost my eyesight, lost a limb, was paralyzed, or what have you. It's called surviving. Life is what you do with what has been done to you.
2. CATHOLIC FAITH
My faith has been tested by my injury, my trials, COVID, and this sham election. The hardest thing I have had to endure has been being cut off from the sacraments. I refuse to take communion in the hand, and confession has been essentially cancelled. This has had the most corrosive effect on my soul.
I am at the point where I consider the institutional church to be a colossal joke. I don't know if it is the homosexual priests and prelates or Pope Francis that disgusts me more. I remain a Catholic, but I am 100% dedicated to exposing all of the filth and corruption in the Roman Catholic Church. I believe the gut shot was delivered under Vatican II, and the Church has been bleeding out since then from its mortal wound.
I am resigned to the fact that this filth and corruption is unlikely to cease in my lifetime. I can see this continuing for another three centuries or longer. The hope that things would change has become bitterness for me.
3. OPUS DEI
I have been an Opus Dei fanboy since shortly after my conversion. I thought this organization was the light, but it isn't. They are a cult. I want nothing to do with them now. My experience with OD has made me resolve to no longer be involved with any Catholic groups.
The other group I put my time and energy into was the Knights of Columbus. This ended when my local council folded. I enjoyed doing work for the Knights, but I see the organization as nothing more than an insurance company masquerading as a Catholic fraternal group. They changed the fourth degree uniforms from the traditional regalia to a Girl Scout outfit to try and get younger guys involved because youth makes those actuarial tables work better. Then, they made the initiation a total joke eliminating secrecy and even allowing men to join online. There were also issues with my local council as the older members wouldn't budge on the meeting time to accomodate knights who had day jobs. I was one of those knights with a day job.
Without a council, I didn't pay my dues this year, and I have decided to let my membership in the Knights of Columbus lapse. I can also include other things on my list involving the top leadership, but I think it all becomes moot with my exit. The KOC is another reason for my resolution to no longer belong to any Catholic groups.
5. WRITING
I am going to stick with the writing thing. This is not a hobby for me, but it is my craft. Writing really works my brain and fatigues me, but I can still do it. I don't know why God spared that part of my brain. I would have picked something more vital to my survival like being able to stand and walk without becoming loopy and fatigued.
It would be nice to quit this blog and hang up writing. This has been on my mind quite a bit over my sabbatical. I have to continue to be a productive human being, and writing is part of that productivity. I will keep doing it.
There are other things that I could include on this list, but I am going to stop here with what I have. I just need to get back to blogging again here at the C-Blog.
