Quotable Quotes

You can't just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they'll want something new.

Concentrated power is not rendered harmless by the good intentions of those who create it.

Liberals tend to hold the bribe-giver as somehow more reprehensible, as in some way 'corrupting' the taker. In that way they deny the free will and the responsibility of each individual for his own actions.

Happiness comes when we test our skills towards some meaningful purpose.

The root of all evil isn`t money; rather, it`s not having enough money.

Random Thoughts on Various Subjects



This is a viral video that has become immensely popular because some gnarly old white dude beats the shit out of a black guy. The reason for its popularity is obvious. People enjoy seeing a black guy getting the shit beat out of him by a gnarly old white dude. Naturally, this has brought with it a lot of commentary and analysis from various quarters on race, politics, and "old man strength." I don't think a fight has been so popular or so much discussed since Ali-Frazier. As for me, I just found it entertaining especially the part where the peanut gallery urges the black guy to "kick his white ass." Talk about irony.


A killer whale kills a trainer at SeaWorld. So far, nothing similar has happened at Gatorland. Personally, I think playing with dangerous animals is really stupid.


Ron Paul won the straw poll at CPAC, and I think he will run again for president. Can he win the nomination? I doubt it. OTOH, what are our alternatives? Palin? Give her a talk show already. Romney? He should endorse some hair care products. Then, there is Gary Johnson who I really like. He is a guy who I think could forge an alliance between libertarians and conservatives. He doesn't carry the baggage Paul would have, and he has executive experience being the former governor of New Mexico. Will have to wait and see on this one.


Mark and Jenny are split. Does anyone give a shit? I'd respect Jenny Sanford a lot more if she hadn't ran off and wrote a book about the whole thing. That was the act of a media whore. The question remains. Will Sanford make any more trips to Argentina now that he is a free man?


It is a a given that no Democrat will be governor. Vincent Sheheen is wasting his time. Unfortunately, I suspect Nikki Haley may be wasting her time, too. This is because the dipshits of SC will vote for either McMaster or Bauer, two worthless motherfuckers I utterly despise. All I can say is that anyone who doesn't cast a vote for Nikki Haley is an idiot.


I watched the 60 Minutes piece on what could be a revolution in energy. I am cautiously optimistic about what this fuel cell could mean for the country. If this is the real thing, I see it in electric cars, and natural gas would be the way to go. Meanwhile, Washington explores clean coal because that is what the lobbyists paid them to do. This is why our energy future is with the capitalists not the politicians.


ClimateGate roars on as the nation is buried in snow. Where is Al Gore? Where is our Messiah of Climate Salvation when we need him?

I remember not too long ago people were lumping me and my ilk in with Holocaust deniers and flat earthers because we did not share Al Gore's hysteria over global warming. Now, as those dire predictions are looking more ridiculous by the day, where is this Nobel Peace Prize Winner? Why won't he answer questions? WHY IS HE HIDING?

I am saddened that Michael Crichton did not live long enough to see himself vindicated. Crichton was right.


I am convinced now more than ever that a bubble in higher education exists and will pop in a big way over the next decade. Despite what politicians may claim, we have no shortage of educated workers or education. The problem is all that student loan debt that can't be repaid with tips from Starbucks.


Andrew Koening, an actor on Growing Pains, kills himself.


DVD-The Hurt Locker

It is not often that you see a great movie. The Hurt Locker is a great movie.

The story is about a group of soldiers tasked with disarming IEDs in Iraq. For a war movie, it is quiet. There isn't a lot of action. But you will be on the edge of your seat watching this one. It is intense because the movie lays out at the beginning what is at stake when it comes to dealing with these bombs. They will flat out kill you. Once the stakes are established Katherine Bigelow simply turns the screws, and the tension in each scene becomes overwhelming. You never know when these guys are just going to eat it. This is the stress soldiers live under constantly.

War is a drug. That line is what makes this movie special. Jeremy Renner plays SSG William James who is addicted to the drug of war. This becomes apparent to his fellow soldiers who cannot abide his wild antics. The guy lives to defuse bombs. He is monomaniacal. The scene that spells this out most clearly involves not a bomb but cereal on a store aisle. Bombs give meaning. Everything else is just a distraction.

This movie is superbly directed and acted. It deserves the Oscar for Best Picture and Bigelow deserves Best Director. I will be surprised and disappointed if she doesn't carry home both trophies. Without a doubt, The Hurt Locker is the Best Film to come out of 2009.

The last question is the obvious one. What is a hurt locker? The movie does not answer this. Various answers have been given, but it is supposed to be slang for getting fucked up in an explosion and being sent to the "hurt locker." But the ambiguity of the title is much like the larger ambiguity of the film. You provide your own answers.


HEROES-John Bogle

When I first started investing and learning about stocks and finance, I was a value investor and trying to emulate Warren Buffett. It did not take me to long to realize that I was not Warren Buffett and neither was anyone else. In my efforts to find a mutual fund to invest in and save myself all the time and trouble researching and buying my own stocks entailed, I learned how few of these mutual funds actually beat the market and how foolish it was to try and pick a winning fund. With more mutual funds than stocks out there, it was going to be about the same as being a stockpicker. I also read Malkiel's A Random Walk Down Wall Street, and I came to the conclusion that beating the market was a fool's errand.

The answer to my problems was passive investing, and one man made that possible for me. That man was John Bogle, the founder of Vanguard and the first one to offer an S&P 500 index fund for investors such as myself. I moved my holdings to index funds, and I have never looked back. It was a good decision.

John Bogle is a rare individual. He is an honest man in SlimeWorld. He calls out his own industry and excoriates it for the exorbitant fees that it charges investors. It is these fees that cause investors to do poorly against the market. It doesn't much to realize that the huge profits financial service firms make are from milking their clients through every fee they can charge. This would be justifiable if these firms actually rendered value for these fees, but they don't. I am glad I have Vanguard.

John Bogle is the best friend the average investor can have. His wisdom is timeless and works. He knows what he is talking about, and Vanguard carries on the legacy of his wisdom.

Collected Bogle Wisdom:

Time is your friend; impulse is your enemy.

If you have trouble imaging a 20% loss in the stock market, you shouldn't be in stocks.

When reward is at its pinnacle, risk is near at hand.

Time is your friend; impulse is your enemy.

The most important thing is for investors to have a realistic idea of what future returns they can look forward to in the stock and bond markets, and not in a day or a week or a month, which is idle and futile, but looking ahead to the next decade and seriously considering what rational expectations might be for market returns.

The stock market's day-to-day is actually a distraction to the business of investing.

Don't assume your retirement provider or money management firm espouses a standard of honesty, full and fair disclosure, or putting its clients' interests first.

Don't try to time your entry.

Mutual funds can make no claim to superiority over the market averages.

Indeed, the evidence is compelling that when decade-long real stock returns are inordinately high by historical standards, returns in subsequent decades are likely to tumble; when past returns are exceptionally low, future returns are apt to rise. What it's all about, it seems, is reversion to the mean.

The boom and the bust were normal—just two more swings in stock returns over the past century. Reversion to the mean is the iron rule of the financial markets.

On balance, the financial system subracts value from society.

The mutual fund industry has been built, in a sense, on witchcraft.

As I have earlier noted, the most important things in life and in business can’t be measured. The trite bromide 'If you can measure it, you can manage it' has been a hindrance in the building a great real-world organization, just as it has been a hindrance in evaluating the real-world economy. It is character, not numbers, that make the world go ‘round. How can we possibly measure the qualities of human existence that give our lives and careers meaning? How about grace, kindness, and integrity? What value do we put on passion, devotion, and trust? How much do cheerfulness, the lilt of a human voice, and a touch of pride add to our lives? Tell me, please, if you can, how to value friendship, cooperation, dedication, and spirit. Categorically, the firm that ignores the intangible qualities that the human beings who are our colleagues bring to their careers will never build a great workforce or a great organization.

There's far too much self-interest. We used to talk about stewardship; now, it's all about salesmanship. It's the triumph of marketing over management. Nobody has joined me in this debate because they simply can't walk the walk. There are billions of dollars at stake. If the industry's whole reason for being is to rake in more and more fees from investors, it's pretty hard to say, "I think we should be more responsive to investors."

They don't like my ideas at all. But I maintain that the point of the mutual fund business is to help shareholders capture their fair share of the market's return.

If we've learned anything from this last decade, it's that costs are the only predictable thing in investing.

It's absurd to think that buy-and-hold is dead. I've made this case many times and I'll make it again. A buy-and-hold group holds 50 percent of every stock in the S&P 500. The other 50 percent is held by those who trade-I call them speculators-who trade among themselves. At the end of a period, the holders will have captured 100 percent of the return while the other group, tossing stocks back and forth, has given away much of the return through fees, fees, and more fees. The simple truth is that long-term investors win as a group and short-term investors lose as a group. It's pretty black and white. The math is on my side.


1. Dick Cheney is hospitalized for chest pains. Doctors discovered the man has no heart and promptly released him.

2. Scott Brown paid back all his supporters by giving them the finger and breaking a filibuster.

3. Pediatricians bash on hot dogs as a choking hazard to children and call for redesign. (I am not making this shit up.)

4. Jay Leno's bandleader is calling it quits to focus on music instead of being known as the "dumb guy that laughs at all of Jay's stupid jokes."

5. I am hiring a commenter to post LOL! to all my stupid posts.

6. I deep throated an Oscar Meyer the other day and almost choked to death.

7. Tiger Woods converted to Buddhism to help him combat sex addiction. In an unrelated story, I converted to Satanism to help me combat my addiction to golf.

8. The Bloom Box--the Segway of Energy!!

9. Lindsay Lohan says her love of women surprised her. It did not surprise me. It also will not surprise me when she reveals her love of cocaine.

10. Tiger Woods and Lindsay Lohan would make the perfect couple.

The Libertarian Party Should Shutdown

It is time to stick a fork in the Libertarian Party. The LP is redundant, ineffective, destructive, and irrelevant.

The greatest movement for freedom we have seen in some time has been within the GOP. Ron Paul and the Campaign for Liberty represents the spearhead for the libertarian movement. Dr. Paul's failed run for the presidency as a Republican has done more for freedom than anything the LP has done in almost 40 years. The LP served a function for a time including giving Ron Paul his first presidential run. But as it stands, libertarians would be better served getting behind pro-liberty Republicans and small government conservatives.

The sad fact is that a third party stands no chance in this country. Arguing with reality is not going to change it. But the upside is that a well funded candidate can make an impact in the primaries even if he or she loses. This is because primary opponents automatically have a seat at the table. The LP can safely be ignored in a general election.

LP proponents will counter that the GOP sells out and betrays libertarian principles at the drop of a hat. This is true to some extent. Most Republicans pay lip service to small government ideas but betray them as soon as they are elected. But who can include Ron Paul in this group? Has anyone stuck to principle more than he has? And don't libertarians and Tea Party conservatives call out these RINOs?

By marginalizing themselves in a third party, libertarians have dulled the edge of the sword of freedom. By creating havoc and chaos in the GOP, they have sharpened the edge. Liberty is now a perpetual campaign.

Libertarians should not continue to contribute and support the LP. They are wasting their money and their votes if they do this. Pro-liberty Republicans need all the help they can get. When the LP runs a candidate in the general election, it doesn't help liberty. It hurts it. It tells everyone that libertarians can safely be ignored and throws the election to the worst of two evils.

Most libertarians have gotten the message, but the LP hasn't. It continues to be a marginal if not destructive force. The best thing the LP can do is close up shop and join up with the Tea Party, the Campaign for Liberty, and the Republican Liberty Caucus.

Critics of my position will counter that the LP serves a vital educational role in promoting the freedom message. This simply isn't true. Think tanks and organizations like the Cato Institute, the Mises Institute, Reason, and others already fulfill this educational role. Compared to these outfits, the LP is a joke.

Others will defend the LP by saying that the LP nominates bona fide libertarian candidates that you can feel good about voting for. I have two words for you--BOB BARR. They should call Barr a LINO--Libertarian in Name Only.

The LP has outlived its usefulness. It is time to close up shop or reorganize as something else. Otherwise, voting big L libetarian is a bad move.


Charlie's Ginormous Collection of Chuck Norris Facts

I love Chuck Norris facts, so I'm collecting and posting every damn one I find or hear in this post. If you don't enjoy them, give yourself a roundhouse kick to the face.--C.

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man's blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.

When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, Chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, I'm Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times

China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was too scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.

Chuck Norris does not procreate. He breeds

When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?"

Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “Always leave things the way you found em!”

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks ass until he’s full.

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.

Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck."

Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying, "There isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member.” He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.

Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS, but he gives it to people anyway.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."

Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane."

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor just because he's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and the pilot episode tape has been burned.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1.... 1 roundhouse kick to the face..

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon

Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.

Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.

Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.

Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.

Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.

Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".

Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.

Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.

Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".

Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently shits a cow.
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Chuck Norris problem.

Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"

In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

The phrase "Made by Chuck Norris" is imprinted beneath the surface of China.

Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.

Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.

Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.

People say the truth hurts, but it hurts a hell of a lot more when it comes from Chuck Norris.

If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.

Chuck Norris can open beer cans with his teeth. He still prefers to use other people's teeth, though.

Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry!

There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer, Chuck Norris is always in control.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes. He disembowels them.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

Quotable Quotes

The diversity of mankind is a basic postulate of our knowledge of human beings. But if mankind is diverse and individuated, then how can anyone propose equality as an ideal? Every year, scholars hold Conferences on Equality and call for greater equality, and no one challenges the basic tenet. But what justification can equality find in the nature of man? If each individual is unique, how else can he be made 'equal' to others than by destroying most of what is human in him and reducing human society to the mindless uniformity of the ant heap?

Industrial progress, mechanical improvement, all of the great wonders of the modern era have meant relatively little to the wealthy. The rich in Ancient Greece would have benefited hardly at all from modern plumbing : running servants replaced running water. Television and radio? The Patricians of Rome could enjoy the leading musicians and actors in their home, could have the leading actors as domestic retainers. Ready-to-wear clothing, supermarkets - all these and many other modern developments would have added little to their life. The great achievements of Western Capitalism have redounded primarily to the benefit of the ordinary person. These achievements have made available to the masses conveniences and amenities that were previously the exclusive prerogative of the rich and powerful.

Such a simplified lifestyle can be truly wonderful - you'll finally have time for the things you really love, for relaxation, for outdoor activities, for exercise, for reading or finding peace and quiet, for the loved ones in your life, for the things you're most passionate about. This is what it means to thrive - to live a life full of the things you want in them, and not more. To live a better quality of life without having to spend and buy and consume.

The opposite of love is indifference, and the opposite of happiness is—here’s the clincher—boredom.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Random Thoughts on Various Subjects


The IRS drives a man to arson, aerial assault, and suicide. I don't recommend doing any of these things, but I find it amusing that people are calling this man crazy. The more I learn about him the more normal he seems. Aside from his latest and last actions, Joe Stack indicated nothing in the way of anger or political motivations. Reading his suicide note, I couldn't help noticing how uneducated he was on economics and politics. It sounded like something on par with Lou Dobbs than with libertarians or the Tea Party crowd. But Stack was angry at the IRS, and he enacted revenge.

Is violence the answer? I don't think so. Witnessing a lifetime of IRA, PLO, and al Qaeda activities mixed in with the homegrown stuff of Timothy McVeigh, I am at a loss to find a single incident where violent actions have led to any lasting positive social or political change. OTOH, Gandhi and MLK pulled off huge historical upsets with pacifism. Joe Stack concluded that violence was the answer, but I think his actions amount to a tragic waste. He would have done better by becoming politically involved and maybe starting a blog. Joe Stack may have been angry, but he was not alone. The sad thing is that by resorting to violence he makes everyone who opposes tyranny look like a crackpot.


Everyone talks about Tiger's "sincerity." Give me a frigging break. First of all, I would have told all those assembled reporters to kiss my ass. It's my life, and I don't have to answer to anybody. Second, I wouldn't waste my time in "therapy" for "sex addiction." There is no such thing as sex addiction. It is biology. Third, I would have apologized to fans for missing golf tournaments. I've been through a lot of shit in my life, but I don't let my personal issues interfere with work. The job always comes first. Tiger should shut up and play golf.

The best thing Tiger can do is work out a settlement with Elin and bust up with her. Then, he should play golf and fuck because these are clearly the things he enjoys most. His mistake was in getting married and snowing the public into thinking he was devoted family man. The reality is that he is a typical male who can drive a golf ball and bust a nut.


Congrats to Shaun White and Lindsey Vonn for winning gold. What would be really sweet is a gold in hockey.


Alexander Haig died. He was "president" for a couple of hours when Reagan caught a bullet then spent the rest of his life regretting it.

Fashion designer Alexander McQueen dead from suicide.

PRINT-Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

If running has a Martin Luther, it is Christopher McDougall, and Born to Run is his 95 Theses. This volume has done more than any other book to shake up the running community and to change the conventional wisdom about running. BTR is about four things:

-Ultrarunning in general

-The Tarahumara--a tribe of indian ultrarunners hidden away in Mexico

-Barefoot running and the snake oil Nike and other shoe companies have been selling for the last four decades

-Human evolution and the facts that support that humans evolved as runners

Runners who read BTR will leave with a different outlook on their sport. I don't know if this was the author's intent, but McDougall has a habit of being truthfully blunt. He explores the truth wherever it takes him, and in this case, it was in the remote areas of northern Mexico to run with the Tarahumara or more precisely the RarĂ¡muri--runners on foot, a reclusive tribe that depends on long distance running. They do all this running on sandals made from tires. While among these people, McDougall meets the Caballo Blanco or "white horse." This was the crazy white guy who came from America to live and run in the Copper Canyons among the RarĂ¡muri.

BTR is one part confessional, one part travelogue, one part diatribe, and one part athletic odyssey. There is so much in this book that it is difficult to encompass it in just a simple book review. But the explosive part of the book has to do with shoes or rather the fact that they are unnecessary for running and may actually be bad for running. All those running injuries may be a consequence of all those highly technical shoes especially with the gimmicks such as air, gel, springs, and built up heels. These shoes encourage heel striking, but the unshod human foot does not land heel first but lands midfoot with a pronation action. The heel comes in contact with the ground last. But with padded trainers, the heel hits first sending the shock up the leg causing all the familiar injuries runners experience. As McDougall points out, humans evolved as long distance running machines. We have little body hair, fat buttocks, the ability to sweat, and can run effortlessly for miles and miles with barefeet. This ability enabled human ancestors to do persistence hunting. Basically, they ran down game until they overheated. Then, those early humans killed and ate what they caught. Humans are literally "born to run."

McDougall was not a runner when he began this odyssey. He kept getting hurt. But as he discovered these insights, he ditched his shoes and found salvation. He is not the first leader on this, but he is definitely the most prominent first follower setting off an explosion in barefoot running and natural running and the sale of the Vibram Five Fingers shoes that aren't really shoes but gloves for your feet.

McDougall goes on to give praise to ultrarunner Scott Jurek who eschews the glory that Dean Karnazes enjoys. Then, he tells of the hidden race that Jurek and a few others joined in with the Tarahumara who are a people not given to violence and enjoy good health and longevity. They are a fascinating people and a living link to a past that has been forgotten. But modernity threatens to wipe these people out.

The tragedy of the Tarahumara is the encroaching drug war. Mexican drug lords who are brazen in their violence harass and kill the Tarahumara. Mexico is a war zone of crime, and the Mexican authorities are a joke. The Tarahumara were able to run away from the conquistadors unlike the Aztecs, but they will not be able to run away from these criminals. Anyone who makes the pilgrimage to the Copper Canyons to run with the Tarahumara risks death at the hands of these drug runners who place zero value on human life. The most heart wrenching part of the book is when a prominent Tarahumara runner is found dead--the victim of the drug violence that pervades the entire nation of Mexico.

McDougall has written an impressive and unsettling story with Born to Run. It is already being called the best book on running ever written, and I am inclined to agree. They will be talking about this one for a long time.

The Gentle Reader is SOL today because I forgot to write a blog post. Better luck tomorrow.
Ironically, the things that would improve the quality of your life the most require little or no money.


I might not care to admit it, but these SOC posts are very cathartic. The hardest part of being a blogger is coming up with ideas every fucking day to write about. Naturally, you turn to current events for inspiration in much the same way that Doonesbury and late night comedians turn to the news for fodder for their humor. People ask me where I get my ideas, and I tell them Google News.

SOC frees me from having to fish for an idea. I just start writing whatever pops into my head. I learned this trick all the way back in high school from an English teacher. I learned that I always have something on tap much the same way a skunk always has a little juice left in those stink glands embedded in its ass.

The topic that has most occupied my mind lately has been this minimalist path I have embarked upon. Last month, I returned to eating healthy and the three bowel movements that come with it. All I can say is that Activia works. This month, I am focusing on decluttering and cleaning and making it a habit. I admit to being a slob. My one time management trick is to neglect my car, my abode, and my personal hygiene to do more shit. I am not happy about nor proud of this admission, but there it is. The only things that get cleaned on a regular basis in my life are the screens on my computer and iPod.

I am getting there slowly but surely. It feels good to have your shit together. Each day is a little less stressful than the last.


The Detritus of Daydreams and Good Intentions

I spend a lot of time on the road. I see a lot of For Sale signs on boats, ATVs, RVs, and jet skis. I wonder why those people bought all that shit in the first place.

People buy too much shit. They take up hobbies that require the purchase of various forms of equipment. This is fine if they actually pursued those hobbies. But they don't. The three biggest hobbies in America are playing video games surfing the internet, and watching television. Their money would be better spent on a quality television set. Instead, they spend their money on boats, campers, motorcycles, tents, backpacks, mountain bikes, golf clubs, etc., that consume closet space, garage space, and rental space. That is a lot of wasted space and money.

I understand the impulses behind these purchases and the accumulation. It is all daydreams and good intentions. People think the good life consists of x, so they buy y and end up with y for sale on their front lawns. This is because x:

-Takes time they don't have
-Takes energy they don't have
-Is never as much fun as what you will find on a screen

The best thing people can do is be honest with themselves and admit they aren't going to do all this stuff. The saddest part is when it comes to exercise equipment. People don't exercise. They want to exercise, but it is work. They lack the motivation, but they fall prey to some late night infomercial which persuades them to buy some exercise gadget that will inevitably become a very expensive and space eating clothing rack. What makes it so sad is that exercise is virtually free. Even prisoners in solitary confinement manage to get rock hard using only pushups and situps and the edge of their bunks and whatever weight they can wrap in a towel. People aren't in shape because they lack equipment. They are out of shape because they lack time and motivation. All I am saying is that these people should at least do the honest thing and not waste resources on equipment they aren't going to use. And if you are going to do the exercise thing, begin with crunches, push ups, and an empty floor. This shit is free.

All these daydreams of a better life leads to a whole bunch of clutter. I am all for owning things if you use them. But nobody uses this shit. This is why you see so much of it for sale on eBay, Craigslist, and front yards across America. People have an abundance of cash but not an abundance of follow through. My advice is simple. Stop with the daydreaming. Lifestyle changes are not made with your wallet but with your watch. You are not what you buy. You are what you do. Before you go and buy that boat or that jet ski or that set of weights, ask yourself if you already exercise or fish or what have you. If the answer is no, save yourself the dough.

It is not fashionable to say this, but I say it anyway. Give up on the hobbies. If you want to eliminate clutter, don't pursue these hobbies. The dirty secret is they are all boring as hell. You always see the smiling faces on the brochures and commercials but riding around on shit is boring. Fishing is boring. Exercise is boring. So, why do people spend a little time and a whole lot of money on this boring shit? This is because we are taught that these activities constitute the "good life." No, they don't. If they did, you wouldn't see all that second hand equipment for sale on all those lawns.

Simplify your life. Decide what you are going to do with your free time and do it. For me, it is simple. I am going to read, write on my blog, and watch DVDs. I won't hesitate to buy a book or a new computer, and all that shit gets used up. I owned a mountain bike and a guitar, and I got rid of both of those things. I don't own a single thing that I don't use. The result is that people keep wanting to give me things. The reason is because they want the space back, and they think my life is empty because I don't own a bunch of shit. The irony is that my life is so full that I struggle to find time to do the things I enjoy doing. None of those things require a trailer behind my vehicle or a roof rack on my car.

The other aspect of this accumulation of unused equipment is vanity. People want to show off that they have money, or they are living a couple of rungs higher on the ladder of self-actualization. I am convinced this is why runners take up triathlon. Running is cheap and invisible. Triathlon is expensive and visible. Riding down the road with a Cannondale on a roof rack shows to the world that you belong to an elite tribe of overachievers. I suspect this is true of many other sports and activities. A piece of equipment is a badge of identity. I know because people think I am a hunter because I wear camouflage shirts and hats and carry a camo backpack. The reality is that I have never hunted anything in my life except the nearest McDonald's. I have the camo gear because the shit was cheap and on sale at Walmart. But I can't think of anything more boring than spending early mornings sitting in a tree stand trying not to fart and give myself away to Bambi.

Getting rid of the detritus of daydreams and good intentions is a liberating thing. It frees up space. It saves you money. It makes you quit thinking or caring what other people think about you. You stop feeling guilty for enjoying the things you truly love like watching TV, playing Halo, or reading Michael Connelly. It also saves you the hassle of putting the shit up for sale and haggling with people and selling it for a loss or carting it to Goodwill. The dirty fact is that all this detritus adds up to a bunch of regret. Make your things match your true living, and you will save yourself this regret.

The Best Blogs on the Internet

I can't tell you what makes a great blog. I just know the ones I like. Believing that all value judgments are person relative, my opinion on this matter is just as valid as yours or anyone else's. These are some of the best blogs on the internet.

This is a side project of Zen Habits founder, Leo Babauta. Personally, I find it better than Zen Habits. I did not begin as a fan of this minimalist pathway, but I see it as being the true path when it comes to your lifestyle. Simplifying brings greater freedom, health, wealth, and flow to your life. As a consequence, I repeatedly edit my life to eliminate things. mnmlist helps in this by giving recommendations and inspiration.

LRC Blog
This is a libertarian blog, and I find many interesting items and links here. It consistently delivers.

Hit & Run
This is the libertarian blog from the Reason gang. Where LRC would be the Austrian School, Hit & Run would be the Chicago School. Always great stuff here.

Marginal Revolution
This is the blog of Alex Tabarrok and Tyler Cowen, two economists at George Mason University, but it doesn't take much reading to realize that Tyler is the Paul Simon of this duo. The blog is a blend of economics, cultural musings, and other eclectic bits. Despite the wide ranging subject matter, it consistently delivers.

Empire Burlesque
This the blog of antiwar journalist Chris Floyd, and it is a gutwrencher. The MSM presents the official viewpoint of the war. Floyd gives the unofficial and honest view of the war. If you ever wondered why they hate America abroad, Empire Burlesque answers the question for you.

Instapundit is just a bunch of links to other stuff, yet I can't go there without clicking on one of the links. It is like the Drudge Report for people who tend towards a libertarian/conservative viewpoint.

The Volokh Conspiracy
This is another GMU blog but from the law school side. Very deep.

Zero Hedge
This is an explosive blog. It is so explosive the blog authors hide behind pseudonyms taken from Fight Club and other movies, history, etc. The subject is the world of trading and finance, and the viewpoints are blunt and raw. This ain't CNBC.

These are just some of my picks. As I discover more, I will share them. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
It is ludicrous when a white collar fat cat banker claims to be blue collar.


Mister Agenda on Conspiracy Theories

I like to send articles to my old blogging partner Mister Agenda for his perusal and response. Every so often, he writes replies that I find very insightful and worthy of posting and/or sharing. This is one of those responses:

If it's not a secret, it's not a conspiracy. And almost all conspiracy theorists do stop at speculation. Worse, now that they have a conclusion, they work backwards to find evidence that fits it. This method pretty much guarantees the only way they will uncover an actual conspiracy will be by accident or just because with so many theories haphazardly proposed, some may actually turn out to be correct. When the steel companies lobby for steel tariffs, it is not an example of conspiracy, it is an example of lobbying. Systematic secret back-room payoffs to congress critters would constitute conspiracy, and it wouldn't surprise me if someone followed the evidence to expose such, but it will more likely be a report than a conspiracy theorist...and that's saying a lot, given the quality of investigative reporting these days.

There is no government conspiracy to lead people to be skeptical, I almost wish there were. Evidence indicates that nearly half of Americans are gullible sheep who will swallow any half-way plausible conspiracy theory that fits their preconceptions. Democrats are likely to think 9/11 was an inside job, Republicans are likely to believe Obama is a stealth Muslim born in Africa.

FEMA death camps, vaccinations causing autism, these are the theories I hear, they're easily refuted, and the people who hold them are immune to evidence. Show them the 'FEMA death camp' is a Google Map of a N. Korean prison camp, and they won't consider the possibility that they're wrong.

Critical theories don't dismiss the possibility of conspiracies. It's the likelihood of Conspiracies which are large-scale and require hundreds of people to maintain an iron cloak of secrecy over a long period of time to work that can be dismissed unless the evidence is proportional to the claim. I used to work for the NSA, supposedly our most secret organization, and it's a sieve compared to what would be required to pull off the typical 'big C' Conspiracy.

Rothbard wasn't really wrong, as he is using an idiosyncratic definition of conspiracy that apparently means 'openly and publicly campaigning for what you want'.

Thanks for giving me something interesting to chew on this morning, I usually am so much in agreement that I don't have much to add to your offerings.


Quotable Quotes

All political theories assume, of course, that most individuals are very ignorant. Those who plead for liberty differ from the rest in that they include among the ignorant themselves as well as the wisest.

Google is brilliant because it uses an algorithm that ranks Web pages by the number of links to them, with those links themselves valued by the number of links to their page of origin.

Many religions now come before us with ingratiating smirks and outspread hands, like an unctuous merchant in a bazaar. They offer consolation and solidarity and uplift, competing as they do in a marketplace. But we have a right to remember how barbarically they behaved when they were strong and were making an offer that people could not refuse.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Random Thoughts on Various Subjects


It snowed, and South Carolina goes on lockdown. Fortunately, I have a Yankee girlfriend to show me how to drive.

I'm no climate scientist, and some brainiac will point out to me how blizzards are actually a result of global warming. He might be right. But I find it very difficult to defend Al Gore and Co. when everything tells me they are full of shit. Fuck the polar bears and all those poor kleptocracies begging for "climate justice." We are up to our balls in snow.


As anyone who knows me will tell you, I am an amateur student of economics, business, finance, etc. The field that most interests me is the new economics of abundance spawned by the internet. Unlike scarcity which involves things like iPods, abundance deals with the content on those iPods and Kindles and what have you. The fact is that we live in an age of virtually free information, but we don't have an economics or business plan to accomodate this new world. But I have embraced this new world with gusto. I have abandoned my belief in intellectual property and share all my work freely. (Feel free to steal and share.) I have learned that a trademark is the most valuable asset you can own. And I have learned that what people save on information they spend on other things. It is the Broken Windows Fallacy turned on its head. I call it the Broken Windows Serendipity. My nerve endings just tingle with excitement over this area.

I will have a lot of new stuff on this topic as I go along.


I don't know if the Kindle will survive as a device with competition from other reading devices and the iPad. What I do know is that I buy a lot of Kindle versions of books for my PC and iPod. I like getting my books this way, and I like paying 10 bucks for a new title instead of the bloated hardback price. I'm also fond of the Stanza app that enables you to read public domain works on the iPod.

It is obvious to me that the iPad is gigantic media consumption tool. It will encompass four main areas:

-watching videos
-listening to music

You can already do this on the iPod touch, but the screen is small. Critics say the iPad is just an iPod with a bigger screen. EXACTLY! When it gets cheaper and better, I will certainly buy one.


I am feeling the pull back to sports. As regular readers of the CBlog know, I expunged sports from my media consumption diet in an effort to simplify my lifestyle. It has been hard in some respects. I find it difficult to talk to other people now because sports was a safe zone for convo. But I do have more time as a result. Basically, I have a choice between talking less or watching more television.

One of the things that I am learning is that simplification is a chain reaction much like complexity is a chain reaction. In this case, the elimination of sports has led to the elimination of small talk which will inevitably lead to the elimination of certain relationships. The reality is that the vast majority of the people I encounter each day are stupid and boring. Sports made talking to these people tolerable.


Phil Harris
He was the captain of the Cornelia Marie and a fan favorite on Deadliest Catch. He was blue collar to the bone, and he will be missed.

Nodar Kumaritashvili
It takes huge balls to ride the luge, and this tragedy shows why.


Leisure is overrated.

PRINT-The Power of Less by Leo Babauta

Leo Babauta is the founder of Zen Habits and the author of The Power of Less. Leo is an insanely popular blogger, and I wondered why he became so popular. What do people get out of his writings and advice?

When you read Babauta, the answer becomes clear. Where other personal development types tell you to do more, Leo tells you to do less. The problem isn't that you aren't doing enough. The problem is that you are trying to do too much.

There are only so many hours in a day. You only have so much time, money, and energy. You can be ambitious and lay out all sorts of plans and aspirations. You will be giddy with the excitement of it all. But this is just daydreaming which leads to frustration. The problem isn't a lack of ambition. It is a problem of execution.

Leo's solution is simple. Less is more. You must decide between the things that really matter to you and those those things that don't matter at all. This reduces the frustration you feel over not accomplishing more. The fact is that we have limitations. We need to acknowledge this and move on from daydreams to accomplishments.

Once you know what you want to achieve, the next step is to pick one thing to be your focus. Then, you work on that one thing until it gets done. By taking the slow route, you actually get it done. Habits are easy to change if you focus on one at a time. This is the power of less. By doing less, you will achieve more.

This minimalist path is the antithesis to something you might get from Tony Robbins. Small simple steps yield more than overblown cheerleading and ambition. Leo Babauta is not a superman. He is just a regular guy who quit smoking, took up running, decluttered his life, and got his finances in order.

The Power of Less is Leo's blueprint for making more of your life. There is zero bullshit in this book. I highly recommend it.
Wild Things in Captivity
by D.H. Lawrence

Wild things in captivity
while they keep their own wild purity
won't breed, they mope, they die.

All men are in captivity,
active with captive activity,
and the best won't breed, though they don't know why.

The great cage of our domesticity
kills sex in a man, the simplicity
of desire is distorted and twisted awry.

And so, with bitter perversity,
gritting against the great adversity,
they young ones copulate, hate it, and want to cry.

Sex is a state of grace.
In a cage it can't take place.
Break the cage then, start in and try.

The Challenge of Daily Blogging

I write this as I eat a bowl of raisin bran and type between spoonfuls. The coffee is brewing. It is 5 a.m.

It is a truism among bloggers that if you want to be read, you have to post daily. The demand for content is insatiable especially Monday through Friday when people read at work. The dirty secret of the internet is that it is entertainment for work. Personally, I don't see how people get anything done if their working hours are spent surfing the internet. I'm a blue collar guy, and they don't pay me to surf the internet. They pay me to work. It is obvious to me that white collar types and academics that are able to surf the internet during the day and goof off don't have real jobs. I realize that I am probably pissing off my core audience with these insights, but the only reward I get from maintaining this project is the pleasure of telling the raw, unadulterated truth.

For me, the internet is an after hours thing. I do this gig after work and on weekends. Turning out content for the daily fix is challenging. It is literally a second job for me. Most of the creative part gets done while I drive as I put together the thoughts in my head. I think, gather info, and what have you. I keep notes scribbled on pieces of paper in my wallet. Sometimes, I have complete essays written that I type in later. The result is that no part of my day is wasted. Writers are always writing. I am always getting ideas as I go through my day. The truth is that if I won the lottery or struck it rich, I would still need to work and live the same way I do now because that is where the inspiration comes from.

The blogging habit yields a great deal of flow in my life. It is definitely an autotelic thing. No one makes me blog. I don't get paid to do it. Some would argue that I am wasting my life with this gig. But this gig turns my ordinary days into extraordinary days. For me to stop blogging would require me to turn off my brain. I don't want to do that.

I have other writing projects that I work on. Despite posting infrequently on my fiction blog, I have a large backlog of stories in my notebook I need to key in. Then, there are the book projects. The challenge of it all is getting it all on the page. The reality is that my output exceeds the time I have to put the words on the screen. I always have gas in the tank.

Anyway, the coffee is done brewing. This post took about 20 minutes to write. I have to go work now.