DAY ONE-- Eat Taco Bell. DAY TWO-- Shit brains out.


I will be AWOL for a few days as I fly down to Buenos Aires to catch my nut.
Exercise gives you energy, but you end up too tired to use it.


1. I love how Obama supports the revolution for freedom in Iran while he undermines it here at home. I really despise this POTUS.

2. Dave is beating Conan in the ratings. No surprise there. Conan is the Katie Couric of late night.

3. Obama hates fags. I don't know this for certain, but he sure is dragging his heels on gays in the military and gay marriage. This reflects the larger reality that black people are surprisingly bigoted towards Jews, homosexuals, and Mexicans. They do seem fond of white people especially hot blonde females, but this is the exception instead of the rule. I suspect that Obama has more in common with Jeremiah Wright than he would have us believe.

4. When you finally become both rich and fit at the same time with no help from the lottery, you will find you have no time left over for doing anything else like raising a family or learning Mandarin.

5. I had a dream about Bob Dylan. I told him, "You are the greatest, dude!" His response? "I know."

6. The key to having low bodyfat is to stop eating.

7. A smartphone is a necessity because you look really uncool carrying around a dumbphone. Plus, you need to be in constant email contact with the office even while sleeping, shitting, and fornicating. They are working on a one hand model for masturbators.

8. The master race resides overwhelmingly in trailer parks and sips Pabst Blue Ribbon.

9. Men hunt, fish, and play golf in order to get away from their women.

10. A stupid bitch in a white Mercedes almost creamed me because she was yammering away on her cellphone instead of driving her car. I wish I had her cellphone number, so I could call her and tell her that she is a stupid bitch.

DVD-Gran Torino

Clint Eastwood directs and stars in Gran Torino, a revenge epic that is short on revenge and long on redemption.

Clint plays Walt Kowalski, a racist Korean War vet and a retired assembly line worker who remains static in a world that is changing. He is a crusty old fart but a decent guy nonetheless. I know a hundred just like him.

The action centers around the Asian refugess who have moved in next door. Improbably, Kowalski becomes part of their "family" after the son fails to steal Kowalski's sweet Gran Torino as part of a gang initiation. You will hate that gang and want to cut off their balls and blow off their faces with a shotgun by the end of the movie. This is where the movie fails.

I have talked to a lot of people who say they loved this movie except for the ending. Every person I spoke to wanted Eastwood to get Dirty Harry on those punks. Instead, he does the Jesus Christ pose and lets the fuckers gun him down, so they end up in prison. Yes, I spoiled the movie for you, but Clint spoiled it himself with that sappy ending. Have Kowalski die but have him die with his guns blazing. That ending was straight out of Bridges of Madison County.

The movie is otherwise an excellent film, and I recommend it.

A New Liver for Steve Jobs

The mystery is over. Steve Jobs got a liver transplant. The positive thing I can say about this is the man won't drink this liver into oblivion.

I'm not much into secrecy, and this shit has gotten on my nerves. Jobs will probably live, but it is clear that he is battling cancer. I will wait for more details to emerge.
The best revenge is to shit in a bag and mail it.
Happiness is a freshly shaved melon.
Desperately need 2 shave the melon.


1. That Sarah Palin is one feisty bitch. Letterman is getting his asshole reamed. He clearly misunderestimated her.

2. The best way to settle the election fiasco in Iran is to go ask the CIA who they rigged the votes for.

3. Steve Jobs will die, but the reality distortion field will delay the news for another two years. He might even be dead at this moment.

4. The reason Iron Man is the coolest movie superhero is because he doesn't have to overcome the dorky costume. Dressing up as a bat is hard not to laugh at. Dressing up in a suit of armor makes total sense.
It is no crime to be ignorant of economics, which is, after all, a specialized discipline and one that most people consider to be a ‘dismal science.’ But it is totally irresponsible to have a loud and vociferous opinion on economic subjects while remaining in this state of ignorance.
The only change you can believe in is the fucked up kind.


1. The other day the lady at Hardee's ran out of regular coffee and tried to sneak some decaf into my cup. Stupid bitch. I called her out on that shit. DON'T EVER FUCK WITH MY COFFEE!!

2. I was listening to a story on NPR about how Obama is pushing "fiscal responsibility." That's like Otis the Drunk on the Andy Griffith Show pushing against binge drinking. Obama says he has yield 60+ billion in savings. Never mind that we have a trillion dollar deficit. If Obama really wants to save taxpayer dollars, the cheapest and quickest way for him to do it would be to resign.

3. Ninjas killed David Carradine. They also tried to kill Chuck Norris, but we know how stupid that was.

4. I was in Wal-Mart this morning when I noticed that someone had lost on the Wheel of Fortune. The WOF is the spinning bag thing they have at the checkout. I lost some bananas playing that stupid thing. This guy left a jug of skim milk which I found. I was buying a jug just like it, and I thought I was losing my mind when I grabbed a second jug. Anyway. . .

Don't lose on the Wheel of Fortune. Spin that bitch three times to make sure your shit is in the cart.

5. Women should quit with the high heels. They don't turn me on at all. Neither does a broken ankle.

6. Obama has been a total disappointment so far. I expected him to get us out of Iraq. That will not happen. He has broken all his other promises. But I saw one glimmer of hope when they announced they would not go after medical marijuana dispensers in Cali. Finally, a bright shot in this shitty administration. Then, I read in the latest issue of Reason how they just busted one of the medical marijuana people. It is now confirmed. Obama is a total fucking disaster. Stupid motherfucking leftards.

How can anyone believe anything that lying fucker says?

Don't Buy a Dyson Vacuum Cleaner

So, I’m on my own. And I’m left with three options:
1: Pay a lot of money to have my Dyson repaired
2: Sell my Dyson and buy a new one
3: Sell my Dyson and buy a Hoover bagless model
4: Do nothing and vacuum wearing earplugs.

Right now, I’m looking at option three. I worked hard to pay for a vacuum of this quality, and it turned out to be a fa├žade. And I write this to warn you all of the Dyson vacuum cleaner and the possible consequences of buying one. Yes, you’ll get a five-year warranty. But it may suffer from many problems in those five years. And when they’re up, you’re looking at stiff repair bills.

If only things really did work properly. It’s nice in theory, right Mr. Dyson?

Looks like I won't be buying a Dyson.

The Antics of Kyle Busch

Kyle Busch is one of a kind. First, I hated him. Now, I like him. Then, he smashed that guitar in Nashville. That was crazy shit.

I still like Busch. For some reason, I root for the rebels. I liked Dennis Rodman when he played basketball. I liked Tony Stewart though he is a mellow fellow now. So, I like Kyle Busch.

No one likes a robot, and that is what NASCAR is full of--ROBOTS. Jimmie Johnson is a prime example. Nobody gives a fuck about him. Most of the people who hate him only do so because of his association with Jeff Gordon.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't root for every wild son of a bitch out there. If you suck, you should disappear. This would be Terrell Owens. Kyle Busch does not suck. He wins, and he extends his middle finger to the entire world. That is quality in my book.
Working while sick is sick.