Random Thoughts on Various Subjects 29

1. "DON'T TASE ME, BRO!!!"

Hilarious video deleted.

2. OJ

Someone asked me if I thought he would get off these latest charges. All I can say is that it depends on how much money he has which is a sad commentary on our legal system. Poor people go to prison. Rich folks walk.

3. SLACKING ON THE BLOG

I've been neglecting the blog here for awhile because of work. But I am trying to get back into the blogging habit again. Plus, I've been doing the MySpace thing. As my cousin told me, if you spend more than five minutes on MySpace, you are wasting your life.

4. BELICHICK

OK, the guy gets caught cheating. But does anyone seriously believe he is the only one doing this? I bet teams across the league are doing the same thing and are now hiding the evidence as I write this. Cheating is not the exception. It is the norm.

5. USC VS. LSU

This was a disappointing loss but not unexpected. The Cocks could win the SEC East and face the Tigers again. Spurrier has done a lot with this team.

6. THE JENA 6

I don't have all the facts on this one, but from all I've heard, it smells like a shitty deal for the defendants.

7. HEF AND HOLLY

Hef loves Holly Madison the most. Undoubtedly, her pussy must be the tightest of the three.

8. VELOCIRAPTORS

Scientists have discovered that velociraptors had feathers giving solid evidence that birds evolved from dinosaurs. Of course, the dinosaurs were drowned in Noah's flood which is why they are no longer around today.

9. THE SURGE

The Surge in Iraq is working according to General Petraeus. Give me a frigging break. This must be the point where war turns from tragedy to farce.

Folks, it is time to get out of Iraq. Enough is enough.

Fridays

I hate Fridays. Most people hate Mondays, but I hate Fridays. The reason I hate Fridays is because of all those people who hate Mondays.

Monday through Thursday, I feel like I am trapped in a zombie movie as my listless coworkers shuffle through the day in a daze of depression, lethargy, and laziness. For them, work is a curse. But lo and behold, when Friday comes, WATCH OUT!! The dead become alive and will run your ass over quickly doing their work as fast and as sloppy as they can. I go from being the most productive worker to "being in the way" when Friday comes.

I despise Fridays. I can't stand these slack fuckers that live solely for the weekends. On Friday, i just stop talking to people to keep from smashing their faces in. It is damn irritating to have some Monday through Thursday slack ass calling you a slacker because you might be cutting into precious weekend time. I just want to scoop out their eyeballs and skullfuck them.

I go the same speed all week. I get the job done, and I believe the best way to save time is to do the job right the first time instead of doing it over. Naturally, Friday night produced a colossal error that resulted in 45 extra minutes of work. Then, that same fuckup had the audacity to tell me to hurry up. My reply?

"LISTEN HERE, YOU SHIT-FOR-BRAINS-CLUSTERFUCKTARD. IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED UP, WE'D BE HOME RIGHT NOW!!!"

Then, there is the Friday traffic. Why is that most people in Columbia drive like normal sane people Monday through Friday morning but become absolute moronic shitheads on the road after 5 o'clock Friday afternoon? Where is the fire?

I really hate Fridays. I enjoy my weekends just like everyone else, but I also enjoy my job and doing it well. It is pretty damn sad when you despise five out of seven days of your life each week. Not me. Work is merely where they pay you to play. I learned that from Mark Twain, and it has made a huge difference in my life. Either way, people need to chill out on Friday. Saturday and Sunday aren't going anywhere.

Random Thoughts on Various Subjects

1. OSAMA BIN LADEN

It amazes me that this fucker is still alive. George W. Bush is a flipping idiot to have let this son of a bitch get away. Now, he comes back to taunt us on the anniversary of 9/11.

Mr. President, if you want to make up for your numerous failures as a president that will tarnish your legacy like a broad shit stain on the underwear of history, CAPTURE OR KILL OSAMA BIN LADEN. Make it your only goal in the twilight of your failed administration.

2. STEVE FOSSETT

It would be a shame if this guy turned up dead. The man has huge balls. Of all the shit he has achieved, going down in a plane in Nevada seems anticlimactic to a life of sheer adventure. I really hope they find him.

3. GAMECOCKS VS. BULLDOGS

I root for the Cocks, but I don't seem them beating Georgia. I have little faith in the upcoming season that USC will pull off anything great. All I ask is that they beat Clemson.

4. PAVAROTTI

I'm sorry, but opera sucks. I don't care how well this guy used to sing it.

5. GONZALES

I'm glad Alberto Gonzales is gone. Of course, his replacement can't be any worse, but I see more of the same abuses of power continuing under whoever takes over. Fuck the Patriot Act.

6. MEMO TO LARRY CRAIG

Go home, fuckhead. You are an embarrassment. You should lose your job for being a homophobic hypocrite. Besides, what is it about a public shitter that makes fudgepackers want to fuck one another? It must be the smell of shit. Nasty.

DVD-Apocalypto


Mel Gibson got in a lot of trouble for getting drunk and hating on Jews. This is a real shame because he is a great filmmaker.

Apocalypto is a story about how fucked up the Mayan civilization was. Yes, the conquistadores fucked shit up with their smallpox and exploitation. But Mel Gibson argues that this shit was deserved and was probably an improvement upon the rape, pillage, murder, and human sacrifice that was already rampant in the land of the Mayans.

This DVD is difficult to watch because it is extremely graphic. The savagery is intense, and I spent the entire movie fighting the urge to go blow the bad guys away with blasts from an M-60 rifle. Gibson seems to know how to stir up your hatred against the bad guys.

I don't know how many historical liberties Gibson took with this flick, but if you want to be entertained, Apocalypto is a safe bet. You won't be disappointed.

I Almost Cried

Women send some of the dumbest email you will ever read. I took this sappy ass story from the bulletin board on MySpace and added a little bit to it to make it a little more "true to life." It was like dropping a turd into a vat of maple syrup. Enjoy.

* * *

Mandy and Austin have been going out since 7th grade, now they are in 11th grade. Mandy has been thinking of breaking up with him.

One Friday afternoon, on their 5th anniversary, Mandy and Austin where talking over the phone:



(Phone ringing at Mandy's house)

Mandy: Hello

Austin: Hey Baby Girl, how is it going?

Mandy: Alright, u?

Austin: Pretty good, so are u still up for the movie?

Mandy: Im sorry i can't go, i promised my little sister that i would take her out to eat today.

Austin: That sucks

Mandy: Im really truly sorry

Austin: Its all right, so can u got tomorrow then?

Mandy: I cant, sorry, i have to go with Alyssa and her boyfriend to the mall.

Austin: U know, it seems like u have been avoiding me this past few days. First u cant go out to dinner with me because u have a paper due, then u cant come over because u are to tired, and today during passing periods u totally ignored me. I had something i wanted to give to u.

Mandy: Im sorry, im not trying to avoid you

Austin: U know what, I'll just talk to you later, im going out for a drive. Love you!

Mandy: Im Sorry

Austin: Oh by the way, i bet u dont even know what today is.(hangs up the phone)


Couple of hours later Mandy came back home and found a gift along with a card for her on the kitchen table. She opens the gift and finds a beutiful necklace, then she opens the card and reads:

"Happy 5th anniversary, I love You!
P.S: I'm sorry for the way i acted over the phone."

Mandy takes up her gift and the card up to her room and gets ready for her date with Chad. If Austin knew about Chad it would crush his heart, so Mandy kept it to herself. She cared about Austin but only as a friend now. Chad was better looking, drove a really nice car, and his dick was bigger than Austin's. Mandy loved the way Chad would bottom out when he fucked her.

Chad picked her up. Mandy thought they were going to a nice restaurant and then a movie, but Chad got a burger and some fries from the Sonic.

"Hey, babe, could you spot me some cash?" Chad asked. "I spent mine on that dank ass weed I got."

Mandy rummaged in her purse and pulled out a crumpled five.

"Are you getting anything for me?" Mandy asked.

"I let you have some of my fries," Chad said. "You need to lose some weight. Your ass is getting big."

After wolfing down the burger, Chad and Mandy went to a special spot to park. Chad and Mandy started making out. Mandy was thrilled and exhilirated to be with her man until he felt his hand behind her head. Chad pushed her head down to his waiting prick that was dripping precum. She started to suck on the slimy shaft.

"That's it. Suck it, babe."

Chad spurted his load into Mandy's mouth.

"Bitch, you dripped some on my seats. Christ fuck!! How am I going to get that stain out?"

"I'm sorry, Chad," Mandy said with tears in her eyes.

"This date is over," Chad said. "I'm going to go hang with my boys, smoke some weed, and drink some beer. I'm taking your fat ass to the house."

Chad dropped Mandy off at her house. It was 9 p.m. She went to bed crying.


***1 am in the morning***:


(phone rings at Mandys house)

Mandy: Hello

Austin's brother: Hey mandy, my brother got in a car accident and is in the hospital. Apparently he was going over to your house because he wanted to give u a little note he wrote for u

Mandy: OMG!!! please could you pick me up and take me there?

Austin's brother: Ya, ill be over in a 10 minutes.


***10 minutes later***


Austin's brother picks her up and takes her to the hospital. When they get there she goes straight to Austins room where the doctors are putting a blanket over his face. His parents are crying. His mom walks up to Mandy and hands her a note.

Mom: Here i think this is for u

Mandy opens the letter and reads:


"I love you"

I love your smile
I love your kisses
I love your sensibility
I love your hair
I love your touch
I love your smell
I love your warm hugs
I love your everything about you

I love you

Never forget that

p.s: with out you I would DIE!"



(Mandy then starts crying and collapses on top of his body.)


Mandy: (crying and in a whisper) I'm sorry, I love u, please come back.


***Now that u have read this, if u love someone or care about someone (Gf/Bf, friend, family, etc.) enough to die for them, repost this***

If u repost this your one true love will kiss you
Repost this as " I ALMOST CRIED"

Random Thoughts on Various Subjects

1. CRAIG

The guy turns out to be a fag. So what? Of course, the guy is one of those family values GOP fuckheads, so maybe he is getting what he deserves.

For the record, I do not have a secret life. I love to fuck women.

2. VICK

The man apologizes for running a dog fighting ring. He is already trying to rehabilitate himself, but I am afraid his NFL career is over. Gambling was his number one sin, and he will pay dearly for it.

3. JUNIOR

Won't make the Chase. Sorry 'bout it.

4. NORTH KOREA

Has promised to halt nuclear production. Sure. I believe that one.

Always Be Nice

I am a mean person. This does not mean that I am an immoral person or a jerk. But I am vicious when provoked. I hurt people with my words.

I have always been taught that nice guys finish last, and I have had that reinforced time and again by countless bad experiences with people. But being mean to people doesn't really change that. Nice guys may finish last, but mean guys never finish at all.

I believe in being neither victim nor victimizer. Regardless of whether you play nice or nasty, people are still going to try and get over on you. The problem is not how you treat them but in how they treat you. You can't control this. People are going to do what they are going to do.

Being nice is not the same as being a doormat. In the workplace, we call it professionalism. This means leaving your emotions out of it. I have learned in my working life to always be nice to customers, bosses, and coworkers. This doesn't mean that I haven't had tensions with them. But I have learned that being mean only elevates those tensions. As they say, a kind word turns away wrath.

I think I should adhere to the same policy in my personal relationships. Always be nice. I call it unilateral niceness. Play nice even if others don't.

There are some people you can't be nice to. The best policy is to walk away from them. Even in this, you can be nice. Tell them politely that you can no longer continue to have a relationship with them and let that be the end of it. But always be nice.

Niceness is not the same as goodness or kindness. Niceness does not emanate from weakness but from strength. It is refraining from striking back. It is the magnanimity of someone who can inflict damage but chooses not to do so. It is the mark of a great souled person.

I believe this is the right way to be which means a change of mind and life for myself. I will apologize for the bad things I have done and try not to do them anymore. But overall, I am forsaking nastiness as a legitimate tool in my social arsenal. I have been very nasty, and I can honestly tell you that it doesn't work one damn bit.