Unashamedly Misogynistic

I've been vacillating over the love/woman thing for the past two months, and I think it is time I came down on one side of this fence I've been straddling. I hate women, and I don't feel guilty about it whatsoever.

Basically, there are two types of women. The first type are the sluts. These are your bad women who cheat on you, take your money, etc. You want to avoid these women like the plague.

The second type of women are your shitheads who are not sluts but throw themselves at dirtbag men who cheat on them, rob from them, beat them, and get drunk and stoned all the time. You feel kinda sorry for these chicks because they are really good women. They just are gluttons for punishment.

I wish there was a third type of woman, but there isn't. I've never met a smart and virtuous woman. They are usually either devious or dumb.

I've tried hard not to be a misogynist, but it isn't working for me. I hate women. I despise them. I think they are good for nothing more than sex. Women should be used and tossed like garbage.

The irony of my misogyny is that it makes women like me. Women love scoundrels. What can I say?

Charlie's Marriage Advice

You want to marry as often as you can. Find a man with some money and date him for about three months. Then, throw an ultimatum on his ass. Pull that sucker in and lock him down. After you are married, tell him he needs to work more and make that paper. While he is working, you can be screwing around with other guys and setting up Sucker Number Two. Then, divorce Sucker Number One and take half of his shit you didn't spend during the marriage. Repeat until you turn 40 and your breasts start to sag. When that happens, stay with that last guy you married or gamble on plastic surgery.

Never get married. Do whatever it takes, but don't ever walk down that aisle. It is a trap, fellahs. You will not find happiness when the ring goes on your finger. And don't ever tell yourself that this woman is different. She isn't. And if she gives you an ultimatum, tell her to step. There are other fishes in the sea.

Half of all marriages end in divorce. Marriage is betting half your shit on the flip of a coin. Men have nothing to gain. Women have nothing to lose.

Random Thoughts on Various Subjects


Coke in your pocket? What a stupid bitch. Serious jail time for this chick.


A friend of mine lamented this week that there were no good men. It staggered me. I define a good man as a guy who doesn't do drugs, has a job, and can remain faithful to one woman. I know a bunch of guys like this including myself. The reason it is hard to find a good man is because good men WORK. They don't hang around with nothing to do like the losers these women end up with.


I would really love to see Tony win another race this week. It's time to get things rolling for the number 20 crew.


I admit it. Nothing is different under Spurrier than it was under Holtz when it comes to the criminal conduct of players. Personally, if I was the coach, my only concern would be if the players could make bail by kickoff. It isn't about character. It is about winning.


I don't know why anyone wastes their time with the Libertarian Party. Seriously. It sucks that we have a virtual two-party system here in the USA, but it is what it is. But Paul's campaign has shown what libertarians need to do. Go with the GOP and become a force for liberty. The fact is that Ron Paul has done more to raise the profile of the freedom movement with his campaign than anything the LP has done, and he did it as a Republican.

Folks, the LP is dead. LP people need to register with the GOP and vote for Ron Paul.


Here's how to debate a religionist. Tell them to prove their claims. They can't. Never stray from this demand for empirical proof. All religionists can do is recite their doctrines, but they can't prove that God exists. They will counter that you can't prove that God does not exist. But you can't prove a negative. The burden of proof is on the religionist not the atheist.


Bush got his colon scoped this week and handed over presidential power to Dick Cheney for his time under this procedure. This has been fodder for jokes, but I am a bit more reflective on the wholte thing. I resent the implication that the President is like a driver with his hand on the wheel. This could be no further from the truth. The reality is that the President is a hood ornament along for the ride. He gets credit for being out front.

The President could go into a coma for the remainder of his term with no one in charge at all, and this country would do just fine. Hell, it would probably do better. The President does not control the economy or the decisions of millions of decisions made by individuals on a daily basis. The most the POTUS can do is be a nuisance.

About the only real power the President has is over foreign affairs where he can cause a bunch of shit. We see this with Iraq. Every presidency ends up resigning over domestic policy and becomes entangled in foreign affairs. Ironically, that's when the people get pissed at him and want him gone.

I will be glad when both Bush and Cheney leave office. I'll vote for whoever will get us out of Iraq at this point.


David Beckham is now playing for the LA Galaxy. Yawn.


Friends are more important than lovers. When lovers cheat on you or dump you, it will be your friends who will pick you back up. But they won't be there if you burn them over a shot of ass.


Neutrinos are particles that pass through your body even now as you read this. They are small enough to zip through the empty space between the electrons the nucleus of the atoms in your body.

More here.

Fuck Celibacy

I can't handle celibacy. I'm fooling myself on this shit. I'm always going to want to get laid, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't be celibate for the same reasons that the rest of the world can't be monogamous. I want to fuck.

The problem for me is simply the fact that I hate the messiness of relationships, yet the best sex you are going to have will be in relationships. Drunken one night stands are great to brag about, but they are the worst sex you can have.

I consider myself to be a serial monogamist. I like having a girlfriend even if that girlfriend may later dump me or cheat on me. As long as I don't make the mistake of getting married, I can accept this as an occupational hazard.

I had reached this conclusion before, and I have reached it again. Serial monogamy is the best compromise that I can reach given all of the facts. I want to have sex. I will always want to have sex. Women are more likely to cheat on you than be faithful. Marriage carries an unacceptably high risk of divorce.

Serial monogamy is the best option. I can't deny this. Attach yourself to one woman. Treat her right. Carry no illusions. And always keep your escape clause. People may decry this as "playing house," but it is the smartest way to live.

I need to just stop falling in love with these women. If I can do that, I'll be fine.

No Apologies

I've received a bit of criticism for being so hard on my ex. I admit that I am a bit nutty at times with it. But I'm not apologizing for it.

I fell for this chick, and I fell hard in a relatively short period of time. I'll admit that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have no complaints about her whatsoever as a girlfriend.

As a boyfriend, I am a piece of shit. I admit that. My only regret in the relationship is that I didn't kiss the ground she walked on and treated her for what she really was--the loveliest woman I have ever known. If I could do it all over again, I would have savored every moment with her instead of being consumed with my work. I might not be a cheater or some other piece of shit in that category. But I am a nutty, bitter, workaholic fuck with a tin ear when it comes to women.

My days go in a cycle. One day I love her and wish I was still with her. The next day I get mad because she dumped me which leads to hatred. I hold it in as long as I can until I can't take it anymore. Then, I explode in rage. Afterwards, I feel guilt and remorse for what I've done. But underneath it all, I still love her. She is the only woman I want to be with.

I know it sounds strange to love a woman and also hate her at the same time. But what can I do? She was so great. Then, she dumped me. I hate her because I wanted to keep loving her. I wanted to get better at it. Then, it was over with.

I would do anything to be back with her. Unfortunately, there isn't a thing I can possibly do. I didn't make her love me, and I certainly can't make her do it again.

Yes, I am being a complete fucking moron about this. I am nuts. I'm just crazy about her. And it hurts every day not to be with her. So, I get angry and hate her. I know it is stupid, but I act this way because I genuinely loved her. I wake up from dreams about her, and I hurt for the rest of the day because of it.

I have to get off of this roller coaster. She doesn't want me back. So, I will hate her until it burns out everything I ever had for her. No more guilt. No more apologies.

Her dumping me was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I'm not being melodramatic here. I know I will never be with someone like her ever again. I lost one of the most precious things I was ever lucky enough to have. But she was the one that took it from me. I love her, and I hate her. That's all I know. I will stop hating her when I stop loving her. I have no clue if or when that will happen. So, Gentle Reader, you will have to continue reading my bullshit on the matter. It is what it is.

An Open Letter to My Ex-Girlfriend

Dear Miss Fickle Bitch,

I never asked you out. You asked me out. I didn't come on to you. You came on to me. You were the one who started this thing.

You judged me. You decried my cynicism on all things on love and marriage. Then, you told me you were falling in love with me. You told me to trust you. You told me you would never hurt me. Then, you waited until I was out of town, and you dropped me like a piece of trash. FUCK YOU. I am not garbage.

You are the garbage. You are a lying piece of trash. You are a stupid worthless fickle bitch who didn't give a fuck about my feelings whatsoever. Now, I'm supposed to care about your feelings?! I'm supposed to feel guilty? Who dumped who here?

You are a stupid worthless cunt. I never did a thing to you, but I gave you a warning. I told you to go easy on me. That's because I had been hurt before. I don't go around hurting people, but you saw fit to hurt me. You think buying me some clothes and taking me on a trip gave you the right to shit on me later? I can't believe how fucking clueless you are.

I'm tired of getting shit on by bitches like you. How did you describe it? "I'm just not feeling a relationship." God, that is rich. That is so goddamn typical of a shitheaded bitch like you. If I had used a line like that on you, you would call me slime. But I don't say stupid fucking shit like this.

This isn't high school, sweetheart. GROW THE FUCK UP. In the adult world, your actions have consequences. You hurt my feelings without so much as a "pardon me." Now, I'm going to hurt your feelings.

I despise you. I don't know what I ever saw in you. And you had no good reason to dump me whatsoever. You didn't dump me because I cheated on you or mistreated you. My best guess is that you got bored. Nevermind your promises of never hurting me. That is supposed to be forgotten. I'm supposed to "man up" and eat it. FUCK YOU, YOU GODDAMN WORTHLESS FUCKING CUNT.

This is the last goddamn time a bitch is going to treat me like this. I wish I could get back with you one last time just so I could have the pleasure of dumping you the way you dumped me--like garbage.

I suspect you dumped me to get with some other guy. Well, I hope he shits all over you because that's what you deserve. I hope he cheats on you and uses you for everything you've got. I hope he crushes your heart and leaves you gasping for air and crying all night long.

You made me love you, and now, you've made me hate you. You've gotten out of this shit you created, but you did not get out clean. And you most certainly will never have the last word with me. Just shut your fucking dicksucker and slink away like the worthless bitch that you are. Cry and suffer. I don't give a fuck about you now, and I never will ever again. Eat that, you bitch.

Mr. Son of a Bitch

How to Be Happy

Everybody wants to be happy. People will differ on how to achieve this happiness, but everyone wishes to be happy. It is the end and purpose for everything we do.

I am happy. When I tell people this, they do not believe me. This is because they believe in a conception of happiness that is incorrect and/or have been frustrated in their attempts to find happiness. So, I'm going to put it down in writing once and for all, so that everyone can be happy just like me. Our first stop is defining happiness.

The Definition of Happiness
Happiness is not a feeling. That is the first thing that needs to be addressed. It is accompanied by good feelings, but happiness itself is not a good feeling. If good feelings were all that happiness was, then crackheads, cokeheads, dopeheads, drunks, and idiots in love should be the happiest people on the planet. Yet, I don't think anyone would consider these people to be happy.

The reason we don't consider these people to be happy despite their good feelings is because they lack an objective foundation of wellbeing. The good feelings we have must also correspond in some way to the reality in which we live.

On the other hand, would we consider rich people to be happy? Clearly, an abundance of material possessions must confer some objective measure of wellbeing. Then again, Howard Hughes was the richest man in the world, but I doubt he was happy in those hotel rooms wearing Kleenex boxes for shoes and urinating in milk bottles.

Happiness is an elusive thing to define. My definition of happiness derives from Aristotle, but I adapt and update it for our modern times. But essentially, my definition and Aristotle's definition of happiness is the same. Happiness is the fulfillment of rational activity.

At this point, you are probably scratching your head. I told you it was an elusive thing to understand. But that's why the essay is not ending here. Continue reading, and you will understand this concept a lot better.

It will help to show what happiness is not and where it cannot be found. Here is a list of where you will not find happiness:

1. Pleasure.
As I have already touched upon, pleasure does not bring happiness. If it did, pharmacists would be our saviors. The pleasures of drugs, sex, or what have you can give you a pleasant life and many people accept this as a subsitute for happiness. But we consider these people to be losers, idiots, or what have you. So, why doesn't it make sense to smoke crack? Because smoking crack is irrational. It takes you out of life. It is a divorce from the real world.

Drug addicts are miserable people. It really makes no sense since drugs are supposed to make you feel good. Yet, these people are not happy at all.

2. The Simple Life
Other people want to follow the flip side of this argument and claim that the key is to possess a life free from pain. These are the people who withdraw from life as much as possible. They want a simple life free from stress and worry maybe out in the country. This seems like a laudable goal until you realize that it is an impossible goal. I've lived such a life of retreat, and it only creates paranoia and irritation. For instance, city dwellers live with a constant stream of noise outside such that they couldn't get to sleep without it. Yet, I have visitors who come over who get pissed about the old man downstairs that plays his TV a little too loud. I never notice it myself.

We all know people like this who are disturbed by every little thing. For some reason, human beings adjust either upwards or downwards to the circumstances they find themselves in. An easy life creates softness which increases pain. A hard life creates resilience which increases pleasure. This is why people who exercise report feeling great while non-exercisers like myself feel like crap all the time. The result is that the simple life not only does not deliver happiness, but it also diminishes pleasure.

3. Religion.
Religion is also a dead end. This is because it isn't real. A religious person is someone who lives for a purpose that simply does not exist. To this extent, religious people and drug users are not any different from each other. In fact, the drug user may be a bit more rational than your typical fundamentalist because he still retains some logical faculty even if it is pointed in the wrong direction. I'd rather deal with a drunk than a member of al-Qaeda.

4. A Cause Greater Than Yourself.
This is along the same lines as religion except it is more secular in nature. These people believe that happiness lies in being selfless and sacrificing for the greater good. This is great rhetoric for politicians wanting young soldiers to go die in a fruitless war overseas that will accomplish nothing. We can admire certain aspects of these people, but we all harbor the suspicion that they are unwitting dupes. They do all the right things for the wrong reasons. And to question their purpose is akin to blasphemy. But these people are not happy. Ask a typical soldier in Iraq right now if he is happy, and I think the answer will be that he is not. His morale will be low. Why? Because he fights for no purpose. Yet, many World War II vets report a great deal of happiness during their time in the war despite the bloodshed and hardship. That is because they were individuals fighting for their own good against tyranny.

5. Other People.
Living for other people is also along the same lines as living for a cause greater than yourself. These are mothers, fathers, and lovers who sacrifice themselves for the ones they care about. I've done this, and I can tell you that it is utter misery. There is no happiness in altruism. It only leads to bitterness.

You cannot find happiness in other people. The belief is that if you make other people happy then you will make yourself happy. This is madness. You learn quickly how unsatisfied people are, and how eager they are to be parasites. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't have people in your life. People are essential to happiness but only as a means to happiness.

6. Riches and Fame.
This is the final failed option in finding happiness. Getting rich or finding fame and social status seem like the route to happiness, but for some reason, money doesn't seem to pull it off. It is a cliche in our culture that money can't buy happiness. Of course, it makes misery a little more bearable.

All of these things I have listed are not sufficient in and of themselves for happiness nor in combination. For instance, you can have health, wealth, a loving famly, the house in the suburbs, the white picket fence, or what have you and still not be happy. Some people think this checklist view of happiness is the correct way to go, but it isn't.

So, what is happiness and where does it come from?

I've already defined happiness as the fulfillment of rational activity. It's not like you didn't already have it. But I'll put it in a different way. I am happy right now as I write this because I enjoy writing. It is what I am good at. And if I have done my job well, you have come to this point with breathless anticipation of the secret I am about to give you. So, here it is. You are already happy.

By now, you feel tricked, but there is no trick. By reading this essay, you engaged in rational activity. Now, that it has ended, you have found happiness. You learned things you did not know before. You grew in knowledge.

Happiness is a process. It never ends. When you engage in rational activity, you experience flourishing in your life. You feel an exhiliration as you do things and complete tasks. The more you do the better you feel. The only breaks come when you have to sleep or eat food.

A more basic answer is to say happiness is workaholism. This isn't exactly correct since you can experience the same thing from playing a videogame. But being a workaholic is more sustainable than playing videogames all day.

When you do something well, you get a rush from it. I don't know why this is, but it is what separates us from the lower animals. Human beings have an insatiable need to build things, discover things, and learn new skills. Money, friends, or what have you are means to doing these things. This is why these things are important but are never a subsitute for happiness.

A happy person is a busy person. He is a productive person. He does things and accomplishes things. He has a wide range of interests. He also possesses the things he needs to achieve his ends which usually were the fruit of some previous end. For instance, this essay is the fruit of years of reading and study on the subject.

You can be happy. The answer lies in those rational activities that you already love doing. Things like goofing off, watching TV, or going on vacation are good for recharging the batteries. But you can't make a lifestyle out of it. This is why Aristotle stressed balance. All things in moderation.

Being happy is an art and a skill. It takes practice to pull it off, but it can be done because I do it everyday. There are setbacks but overcoming setbacks is also part of the activity. In fact, all work boils down to overcoming resistance. This is why I am able to shake off so much shit that happens to me.

Most of these ideas come directly from Aristotle, but I don't think he had it all worked out. There have been many advances in knowledge since his time, and I don't think Aristotle gave much thought to the role that freedom plays in happiness. But he had the kernel of truth way back then. This isn't to say that people haven't been happy. Most people experience happiness accidentally. What Aristotle did is take the haphazardness out of it.

To be happy, I recommend this approach. Go to Wal-Mart or Office Depot and buy yourself a notebook that is fairly rugged. It has to last a long time because you're going to carry it the rest of your life. In this book, write down every damn thing you would like to read, learn, do, or what have you with the rest of your life. Don't plan it out. This isn't a gameplan. It is merely a book of lists. It should be as expansive as it can possibly be. Don't think about whether you will live long enough to do it all. Pretend you have 1000 years to live and do everything you'd like to do. The result is a book of options that will give you a limitless supply of goals to tackle. This is what Leonardo da Vinci did with his notebooks, and he never got it all done. But I think he was pretty happy during his life. You will be, too.

Remember that happiness is a process. You won't find happiness when you get something done. Most projects follow a pattern of a beginning, a middle, and an end just like a good movie or fantastic sex. When it is really good, you don't want it to end. This is how I felt when I was in college. But I realized after I graduated that I never had to stop learning.

Another thing to remember about happiness is that it leads to a lot of busyness and can get messy sometimes. This is directly opposed to people who propose living the simple life. The simple life is boring. It may be attractive initially, but you will grow tired of it soon.

If you do everything right, you will sense a feeling of exhiliration. You will hate going to bed, and you will love getting up everyday. You will skip sleep to do extra work on your projects. I know because I do this. You may even start drinking coffee in the afternoon for that extra kick.

You can take it too far. This results in unnecessary adversity like being unable to find something on an uncluttered desk because you were too busy to clean up behind yourself. This happens to me a lot.

What does a happy person look like? From history, I think the happiest people were folks like Aristotle himself who pursued various fields of study, geniuses of the Renaissance like Leonardo, folks like Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin, and inventors like Thomas Edison and entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs.

Aristotle said that you couldn't call a person happy until the end of his life. I disagree on this. I think you can be happy at any point in your life. On the other hand, you can't say a person lived a full life until the end of their lives. It may be a minor distinction, but I think it matters. I don't worry about living a full life. I just spend my time doing shit now.

Personal Reflections
There have been two periods in my life when I was happy. The first period was an accident. My old man fired me from the family business after I graduated from high school, and I took a job stacking hay for a feed merchant here in Camden. I had fallen away from my religion, and I worked my ass off. I lost a lot of weight and was in the best shape of my life as a result. The labor was brutal, but it was seven months of bliss for me. I couldn't explain why during that time, but I realize now why I was happy. I was free to do my own thing. I labored under neither guilt nor oppression. I had no intentions of going to college, but I changed my mind. My boss was surprised because he didn't think I could even read. He was a real cocksucker.

I lost my happiness when I returned to working for my dad and my Christian faith. I knew I had been happy, but it was gone. I couldn't explain why this was. I still had my moments of bliss studying and working, but I was always dissatisfied. The primary reason is because I became religious again.

I also dated some chicks, and I couldn't help but notice how my happiness vanished because of them. I have found pleasure with women but not happiness. I can confidently say today that love and happiness do not intersect at any point.

My present period of happiness began much the same way my first period of happiness began. I became estranged from my mother and father, embraced atheism and libertarian politics, and threw myself into my work and projects. I have been happy ever since. The only real threat to my wellbeing has come from romance. Women are misery.

To me, the ideal man is the Renaissance Man. I aspire to be a man of wide learning, various skills, and multiple endeavors. History shows us that Aristotle's influence always leads to flourishing. Aristotle influenced Shakespeare. Aristotle was the imeptus for the Renaissance. And I think Aristotle and his pupils are the reason we have the scientific, cultural, and technical progress we see today.

This is happiness. Be rational. Work. Enjoy pleasures in moderation. Learn that virtue is the midpoint between excess and deficiency. Learn to laugh. Don't take yourself too seriously. Pursue the things you love with selfishness, but respect others along the way. This is what I do. I am not perfect at all of these things, and I get into scrapes. But I also get out of them. I have a great life. I hope you have a great life, too.

SORAYAMA, unknown

Random Thoughts on Various Subjects


After watching the interview with Ron Paul, all I can say is that George S. is a conceited cocksucking smarmy prick. He nauseates me.


Recently, I made up with not one not two but THREE women who were pissed at me and vice versa. It was pretty cool. I won't ever speak to that whorecunt known as my mother ever again, but I'm going to take it easy on the rest of the women in my life.


Ron Paul needs to distance himself from these whack jobs. These folks are the nutty fringe of the libertarian community. Government is bad enough on the face of it without concocting preposterous myths to make your case. The government is not run by nefarious schemers. It is run by the stupid and inept. 9/11 occurred because of just such retardedness. But to say that 9/11 was orchestrated by a cabal within the government and subsequently covered up is just plain nutty. It gives these bureaucrats way too much credit for being clever enough to pull off such a stunt.


This guy is such a shithead. I haven't seen Sicko yet, but all I've heard is that he misrepresents pretty heavily. The bottom line is that he has become a leftist whore touting the commie party line on everything. Someone should make a documentary on Michael Moore and hound the shit out of that fucker.


I just remember the alarmism over destruction of the ozone layer over a decade ago. I thought we'd be living underground to escape UV radiation by now. Instead, it was uch ado about nothing. I could be wrong, but I think this global warming stuff will be more of the same shit.

Al Gore will run for president. You heard it here first.


Smoke needs to win a race bad. His fracas with Denny Hamlin is a direct consequence of his PMS that he gets when his season sucks ass. But if he wins a couple of races and makes the chase, he'll cool out.


I think a lot of Dale, Jr. fans are not going to make the leap with him to Hendrick. He's lost Budweiser as a sponsor, so there goes the sea of red in the stands. Dale better win because he has blown it with the Earnhardt crowd. I personally know a Dale, Jr. fan who swears he will never root for Junior again. As for me, I was not a fan, but I didn't mind when he won a race. Now, I don't know. 2008 will be an ugly year in NASCAR.


This is a big step in communications. I don't think the first iPhones are perfect, but they are definitely a move in the right direction. Jobs has balls. I give him that. I can also tell you that I firmly believe that Jobs will license the MacOS for Windows machines. Jobs has been reluctant to do things like this in the past, but adapting the iPod for Windows users was a suprising success. Now, Jobs has made the Safari internet browser available for Windows. I'm telling you, folks, you will see Apple take on Windows on its hometurf. Bill Gates needs to quit the philanthropy and get back to the shop.


I'm going to give this award to myself for falling in love with a chick from work. That was dumb. I know she reads this blog, but I really don't give a damn. Dating her was without a doubt one of the dumbest moves I have ever made. I don't know if I suffer from the pain of a broken heart or just regret for being so goddamn stupid. Then, there is the anger that returns again and again. I can't believe I gambled my happiness on this girl.

Don't Mess with the Libertarians

The Case for Celibacy

Rockstar Morrissey made waves in Britian for decades with the profession that he was celibate. We can expect such admissions from priests, Buddhists, and computer nerds. But Morrissey was famous, rich, and good looking. He was surrounded by groupies that would shag him at the drop of a hat. The bottom line was that he was celibate by choice when he clearly never had to be. He could have sex anytime he wanted.

I don't know Morrissey's reasons for celibacy or if he has remained celibate or if the whole thing was some sort of publicity stunt. The man has been famously cryptic about it all, but what would you expect from a celibate?

To be celibate is to invite misunderstanding and ridicule. But it makes a huge amount of sense. The reality is that you have STD's, pregnancy, cheating lovers, etc. to contend with. When I go out, I am nauseated by all the drama that is going on in people's lives, and how it all revolves around sex and romance. It is a wasteland of rejection and betrayal. It doesn't matter how good you look. Even movie stars get fucked over and get their hearts broken.

I don't need this shit. My motto is that you are better off jacking off. Sex without love is just enhanced masturbation, and sex with love is just a future regret. My hand has never betrayed me or broken my heart.

The reality is that love and happiness never meet. I like to go out to bars, and I see people trying vainly to pull some happiness from the bottom of a shot glass, a line of cocaine, or a one night stand. I know a lot of horror stories. Then, people tell me I should find a nice girl and settle down. I wish I could, but it never works out for me. Even the nice ones leave you. I suspect most of the good marriages are covers for quiet disappintment.

I'm about as oddball as you can get so adding celibacy to the list is really no big deal. That is the only downside of not having sex. People think you are antisocial or something. The most ignorant ones think of you as some kind of pervert which makes no sense at all.

I'm a straight guy, and I have no problem getting laid. I just don't care to do it anymore. It is more pain than pleasure.

Pain on a Friday Night

I don't feel well at this time. I haven't done any drinking or anything. I just feel depressed and sad.

Folks, I hate feeling like this. This isn't who I am. My problem is that I am still struggling with getting dumped. This tears at me worse than anything I've ever been through before, and I've been through a lot of stuff.

Last night, I was with friends, but I was a million miles away from them. That is because I was thinking about her. I've been very mean to her on this blog, and it is really nothing more than revenge on my part. I'm beyond that stage now. I suppose we can call that Anger. After Anger, there comes Hope that things might be back the way they were. But Hope leads to Despair followed by Grief then Acceptance. I'm at Grief right now.

Getting mad helps for a bit. You want to hurt that person back. But in the end, it is pointless.

I hate her for making me love her. I wish she had left me alone. If I knew the pain I would have now, I would have passed on my involvement with her. But I believed things would be different this time. It never is different.

I don't want to go through this anymore. It is like the high you get from nutmeg. It is euphoric for a time, but the sickness afterwards is so bad that you swear to never use it again. Love is more pain than pleasure.

I'd do anything in this world to have her back. But I can't control the choices of other people. You can't make someone love you back.

I am done with relationships. I don't want any more girlfriends. It isn't worth the pain you will feel later.

You can look back and remember the times you spent with that person, but they will not be pleasant memories. That is because you realize that none of it was real. I can look back with fondness at all the fun times I've had in my life including some wild sex. But this is not so with love.

I want to believe that I was the reason for getting dumped. This will mean I had control over what happened to me even if what happened was bad. You can learn from the error and correct it. But the fact is that when you love someone, you will overlook a lot of stuff. I hate when people snore, but when she did it, I found it endearing.

I loved the way she would sleep next to me. I would lay awake at night and just feel good having her with me. Sometimes, my arm would go to sleep, but I would let it lay there numb so as not to disturb her.

She had the prettiest smile I ever saw. I melted inside when I saw it. Sometimes, she would be a little mad at me and cluck at me like a mother hen. But I loved it. And those eyes of hers were like two polished stones that would shine in the light. I could look at her forever and just feel good.

I loved everything about her. There wasn't a thing about her I would change. I felt comfortable and happy with her. I never told her that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She was the sweetest woman I had ever known. Then, it was over.

I wish I had been there for her. I was more concerned with my work than I was about her. I wrote on my blog to her consternation, but I never wrote her a single love letter. I never sent her flowers or anything. I was the least boyfriend a woman can have and still be called a boyfriend. I chalk this up to my cynicism. There was a time when I did all of those things, but bad experiences had beaten those impulses out of me. I was a good boyfriend to some bad women. Then, I became a bad boyfriend to a good woman. And so it goes. . .

If I am guilty of anything, it is looking at love with a jaundiced eye. I figured you could enjoy love as long as you remained mindful of the expiration date on the carton. But you can't love like this. Loving with the least commitment does not lessen the pain later. It just makes you feel guilty wondering if there was more you could have done.

She had good reasons to dump me. I am a workaholic and an asshole. Whether those were her reasons for dumping me I will never know. I just know that she doesn't love me anymore, and I don't know if she ever did. I just wish that things had never ended. I always wanted to be with her. I still want to be with her.

I have to eat this pain. There are no shortcuts on this. I have tried to will myself and fake myself into healing this broken heart of mine. But what is broken is broken. I have lost her, and she is gone. I'm not mad anymore. I'm sad that I lost something so sweet.

You can say that love is nothing but chemicals in the brain. But so is happiness. A wise man took me to task for my reductionism, and I believe that he is right. I have loved and lost. But I can tell you that it is better not to love.

She is gone. That pain is with me now and will be with me for sometime. But it will fade away. I have to believe that. It is all I have now. I want her back so bad, but there is nothing I can do. I don't know what to do. I am so lost right now. I must accept that I have lost her and move on. It is what it is.

I never want to feel this way again. I can laugh at all the disasters in my life, but I can't laugh over this one. There's no humor to be found in this whatsoever. My best coping mechanism can't be used here. So, I suffer. It is just raw pain without relent.

Never. . .ever . . .again.

Why This Blog Exists and Other Stuff

I believe that everything has a purpose, and in my life, everything I say or do has as the ultimate goal the fulfillment of my happiness. Why do I blog? The short answer is because it makes me happy. But you will want the long answer, so here it is.

My blog is an act of defiance. If there is one theme running throughout it, it is an assault on all of the things I can't stand--shithead politicians, fuckhead religionists, personal enemies, and Jeff Gordon. It is my outlet to be radically honest about the things that make my blood boil.

The problem that I run into is that this blog can be a bit unbalanced in this regard. Aside from bits of humor, my blog is relentlessly negative. I don't think I have ever had a good thing to say about anybody or anything since I started this project. I intend to change this. Aristotle said that virtue lies in the midpoint between excess and deficiency. I think this blog has been deficient in the positive information column. So, I'll try and remedy this by going in the other direction.

Here are a few items in this direction:

1. I work with some great people.

I never talk about my job on this blog because I have no interest in getting fired. But the truth is that I don't have issues with my employer or my fellow employees. I know this sounds hard to believe, but it is true. I enjoy going to work every single day. My job is the most important thing in my life, and I work with a swell bunch of folks.

2. I love my ex-girlfriend.

All things considered, the only mean thing my ex ever did to me was dump me. Since then, I have scorched the earth in my hatred and anger towards her. They say there is a fine line between love and hate, and I believe it. I still hate her for dumping me, but that's because I never wanted it to end. I wish she was still my girlfriend. She was the best.

3. I enjoy life.

Despite the scrapes I get into and the graduated income tax, I enjoy my life. This was not always the case. People tell me I am full of shit all the time. I have heard it so much that I have to stop and wonder if it is true. But I'm not a liar. I like weird bits of trivia that sound strange but are totally true. These are the things that my friends know as TRUE SHIT. My libertarian politics can sound utopian, but history shows that freedom leads to flourishing and prosperity. I am an absolute skeptic on all things religious and supernatural. So, where does the bullshit charge come from?

People don't believe me when I say that I am happy. Trust me, it took me my whole life to get to this point. And I'm not rich or successful or full of myself either. I genuinely enjoy my life. I am the happiest person I know. I still get upset from time to time like when my girlfriend dumps me. But I do enjoy living. This is the topic I should probably write on the most, but it is the truth. The sad thing is that people don't believe it when I say that they can be happy, too. I think this is why everyone says I am full of shit. They don't believe in happiness.

4. You can make it as an entrepreneur.

The odds of starting a successful business are slim. 95% of all businesses fail within five years. You have better odds with blackjack. But there is a key difference between blackjack and business. In blackjack, when you lose, you lose everything. This is not true in business. I know a rich man who got sick of his underperforming business and sold it. But he's still rich. Likewise, you will not leave the entrepreneurship table penniless. You really have to rack up some huge debts to leave completely in the hole.

To me, the two big mistakes entrepreneurs make are to enter into partnerships or borrow from somewhere to make up for a lack of capital. Right now, I have a ton of ideas, and I am tempted to take the shortcut that debt and partnership might offer. But I would rather do it the long way by accumulating and investing my own capital. The whole point of starting a business is to have control over your own destiny. If your partners or your creditors are the ones in control, you're not an entrepreneur. You're just another employee.

I believe there are substantial risks in entrepreneurship, but they come with substantial rewards. Plus, there are risks working for someone else. As my brother likes to say, I've never fired myself. I suspect that there is no way to escape business risk. But I'll elaborate on this later. The bottom line is that you can make it in business. I believe it.

There will be more positive content in the future. Stay tuned. . .

Ron Paul on ABC's This Week


I am frustrated right now because there just aren't enough hours in the day. I stopped over at a friend's house and fell asleep on her couch. I don't sleep enough. I am also behind on various projects, and it is driving me up the wall.

I need to find new strategies for productivity. My current strategies aren't getting it done.

That's all I have for now. I am out of time.

The One True God and the Myth of True Love

It was hard for me to become an atheist. Becoming an atheist was not like becoming a vegetarian or a Republican. When you become an atheist, you give up on comforting myths that you will live on after death, you can pray for help, and there is a controlling and benevolent hand behind the workings of the universe. The reality is that there is no God, and the people who persist in believing in God do so not as a result of the evidence but as a consequence of wish fulfillment.

There is another myth I should put into this category, and that is the myth of true love. I think everyone believes that they will find that special someone who will truly care about them for the rest of their lives. This is why people persist in marrying even though all evidence points to it being a miserable affair most likely to be marred by infidelity and betrayal. Even the marriages that last do so in spite of the hurt and the pain the two have inflicted upon each other.

In the back of my mind, I must admit that I have cherished this fantasy of true love even while being publicly cynical about it. Part of me believed that I would meet the exception to the rules I had already pointed out. I believed that there would be that one special lady who would change my mind about all of this when she came along. But I was deluding myself on this.

I resisted becoming an atheist because I did not want to exist in an empty universe. But I did become an atheist, and it does not trouble my mind in the least these days. I don't need God. I am happy without him. I never needed God.

I am at the threshold of the next great rejection. I am accepting that true love really does not exist. The great marriages we read about are really about friendship than love. Plato was right. Friendship is the greatest love. It is not as intense as eros, but it is long lasting and true.

The great fear that accompanies the myth of true love is the fear of dying alone. But to be honest, if I could choose between being surrounded by my friends when I die or being surrounded by my lovers, I would choose my friends. They have astounded me with their concern for me that I am humbled that they even thought about me. Contrast this with my various girlfriends who swore eternal love only to fuck me over as hard as they could later.

The only way I will ever die alone is to outlive all the friends and family I have. I might be alone at the actual event such as accidentally asphyixating myself while performing an autoerotic act in the closet. But I will die knowing there are people who care about me, and I will be missed.

I got dumped recently, and the only issue that I have had in my mind is whether or not my now ex-girlfriend cared about me. I tried to find out and explore every possible reason why she dumped me including blaming myself. But the truth is inescapable. One day, she woke up and found she didn't have the same passion for me anymore. But how could she get rid of me without appearing to be a shallow immature bitch? Her only concern was not for how I felt but for how she would look. But the bottom line was that I had to disappear. I went from the love of her life to being an incovenience. I was trash that needed to be taken to the curb and forgotten.

It doesn't hurt anymore. The reason is because I have given up on the myth. I use to really be mad at God and bewildered by all the crazy crap in the world. I couldn't understand why God let all this shit happen, and it caused me much grief. Now, I realize there is no God. These things don't bother me anymore. Likewise, it should not be surprising that women can fall in love with you one day and dispose of you the next or go fuck the poolboy while you are at the office. It's just hormones and biology.

I realize that no woman will ever really love me. She will either want to fuck me or to fuck me over. But she is not ever going to have my back. She is never going to feel sympathy or compassion for me. No lover can ever be your friend. Their concern exists only to the extent that you fulfill their sexual and/or material needs.

I've always known these things in the back of my mind much to the same extent that I always suspected that there was no God. But we like to indulge the fantasy a bit. We desperately want to believe that the things we want actually exist. But unhappiness is the product of wanting things that are not real. This is what the addict, the idealist, and the romantic all find in their lives. They chase for things that do not exist. Misery is the only logical outcome of this order.

So, what are we to make of love? It is no different than doing cocaine. When you are under the influence of the drug, it alters your mind such that you believe that you are happy and can only be happy with that drug. But the Greeks pointed out that happiness was not a feeling but a state of being. On the basis of feelings, the happiest people in our society are the winos and crackheads wandering the streets of rundown urban areas.

Happiness comes from finding pleasure in things that are real. Love is not real. Friendship is real, but love is never real. Love is false. It is a lie. It is a narcotic haze that overcomes us and tempts us to abandon our projects and our friends. The romantic in the throes of love is blissfully unaware of the emotional peril he has put himself in. But it will always end the same. Those feelings will end, and he will be left with the consequences.

Looking back over my life, I think of the one night stands I have had, and I have fond memories of every single one of them including the ones that were less than stellar. I can laugh at them. I do not have a single pleasant memory of any romantic relationship I have ever been in. If love was present, I am left with either bitterness or indifference. That should tell us something.

I do not ever want to be in love again. Sex is best on a recreational basis. Love is when the social drinker becomes the alcoholic. When it goes from mood altering to mind altering, you are in the danger zone. Love is a mind altering drug.

The key to remember here is that you are missing nothing if you live a life without true love. That's like saying you are missing something if you go your whole life without seeing a unicorn. You can't miss what does not exist. True love does not exist. And we know this because of the definition of true love. True love is the bonding of two people in an inseperable physical and emotional union that lasts undiminished until they die. I can't think of a single couple outside of fiction that ever pulled off that trick. Of course, it can be pulled off if you die young like Romeo and Juliet. But those two silly kids had shit for brains.

On the other hand, friendship is lasting and amazing. I think of the Bruce Willis/Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher thing. Ashton and Demi will probably split when Demi's tits point south, but Bruce and Demi will always be friends. I think it is cool that divorced people can be civil and still care for one another. They couldn't get along as lovers, but they can get along as friends.

In the way of a conclusion, I am hosing out the last remnants of the true love myth from my brain. Believing in true love is like believing you can be successful as a cocaine addict. I'm sure someone has pulled off the cocaine thing, but the general advice is still the best. Stay out of love. Don't do it. If you find yourself falling for someone, get away from them. I still feel some religious emotion when I am in a church listening to hymns. But I will always be an atheist on God. Likewise, I am an atheist when it comes to love. I already know it will not pan out, so I will save myself the pain of going down that fruitless path. I just needed to get hurt one last time to show me the foolishness of it. As for her, she is a believer in both God and love and will pay a lifetime of frustration and grief. She was going to make me believe in love. Instead, she fell out of love with me and blamed it on my "negativity." I'm probably also the reason why so many prayers go unanswered. And so it goes. . .

SORAYAMA, unknown

Pissed Again

I am pissed off again at the bitch that dumped me. I do alright for awhile and then it builds up again. Then, I vent and feel better.

I hate her. I hate her because she dumped me like a piece of garbage. I hate her because she couldn't dump me to my face. I hate for telling me she would never hurt me. That is particularly nauseating. I hate her for saying that she loved me when it was obviously a lie. I hate her for not even giving me a reason when I asked her. All I got was that Lifetime Channel feminine psychobabble.

She knows she is a worthless bitch. She chided me for being so jaded on this shit. Then, she justified every reason I have for hating women. And to add insult to injury, I am being "selfish" because I'm only thinking about my feelings on this shit instead of the fact that she is hurting, too. I didn't dump her. She dumped me. I'm supposed to feel sorry for her? Christ, I can't believe that shit.

I will be damned if I'm going to ever suffer in silence on this shit again. I will show my ass every time from now on. I felt guilty because I thought I was being unfair to her and making her pay for the sins of others. But in no way has she been different from any other woman.

I didn't do anything wrong here. She did. Yeah, she did some nice things for me, but that was about the only way she could ever get in to hurt me. She was the Trojan Horse of Bitches. Now, I know even the nice ones aren't nice at all.

I have no sympathy for her. She clearly had no sympathy for me. She didn't apologize or anything. She never explained herself or even tried to work things out. Like a foolish high schooler, she woke up one day and didn't "feel the love." So, she bailed like the cowardly bitch she is. Remember, this is the woman who reamed my ass for not wanting to ever marry as "playing house" as if I was the immature person. The fact is that I know how people are hurt in those situations. When you're married, you'll have to endure that breakup for a year or more.

She was the immature person. She's just a child. She doesn't know shit about anything. And I don't know shit about anything to be stupid enough to get involved with her.

This is my last post on this shit. It is done. I just have to eat shit for a couple of more days as I process her out of my system. I just want to stop hurting and forget her. I'll probably find relief in the arms of another woman.


I have a headache and feel like shit right now. I'm never drinking again.

I was on a drunken rant last night. I still hurt inside. There must be something seriously wrong with me to flip out like this.

I just want to stop feeling like this. There should be a drug that will help you get over a failed relationship or a divorce. I remember watching my uncle go through this with his divorce. You feel sick to your stomach. You feel a chronic pain in your chest. It's like coming out of a trauma.

I have always done the dumping, so it doesn't feel bad when you are on the giving end. I've ended relationships, but I had defined reasons for ending those relationships. They were solid reasons. If a person does not make you better but makes you worse, you have to get out of that relationship.

I would feel better if I could point to some flaw in myself that made me worthy of being dumped. If I were a woman beater or a drunk or a philanderer, I could blame myself and swear to work on those things. But I'm not any of those things.

I admit a certain amount of negativity. I am negative on marriage, love, and relationships. But I was softening on all of these things. This is what happens when you are in a loving relationship. That all changed last week.

I find that the best thing to do on all of this is to take the scientific worldview. People fall in love because they evolved to be this way. Love is a powerful bond to someone that extends beyond mere sexual lust to an overbiding care and concern for their wellbeing. It doesn't take a Ph.D. to see how this would be advantageous to the species for survival. Much of this phenomena is chemical in origin.

This drive is primitive. You can watch nature documentaries on Discovery Channel or National Geographic and see the same patterns of behavior among animals. When you get involved with someone, you are playing with fire because forces beyond your control will make you fall in love, and you will reap the whirlwind.

The fairytale is that a man and a woman will meet, fall in love, get married, and stay together until death ends the relationship. This is rare indeed. Even long term relationships are marred by periods of betrayal and infidelity. Most marriages resemble Bill and Hillary Clinton as opposed to Ronald and Nancy Reagan.

Long marriages are not tesimonies to love but to a remarkable tolerance for bullshit. My parents are still married 36 years later, but they don't love each other. They put up with each other. They stay together out of habit. They are two of the most miserable people I know.

Love is not unlike being on an addictive drug. Right now, I am going through the withdrawal process. It may be undignified to plaster this shit on my blog, but I want it out there. I would hate to waste this experience without capturing it. I also find that the process of writing helps to get the emotions out. It's like drinking extra water to flush the toxins out of your system. Psychologists find that writing or drawing helps people to overcome emotionally troubling events like 9/11, the death of a loved one, etc. Plus, writing spares someone from having to listen to you whine incessantly about your bullshit.

The other thing about this experience is how you are unable to enjoy anything. I can't watch a movie or read a book without thinking about her in the back of my mind. Everything in my life is ruined because of her. If I could go back in time, I would never have gotten involved with her. I would have spared myself this horeshit. I can remember one night stands with a certain fondness, but I have no pleasant memories of past relationships. That is because they ended badly which tainted them in my mind forever. To this day, there are certain songs I can't enjoy because those were our songs.

I am just nauseated by the whole business of love. Objectively, I can say that I am better off and happier not being in a relationship. Sure, it feels good to be with someone. It also feels good to shoot heroin. But it doesn't mean that it is good for you.

I have to find a way to stay out of crap like this even if it means a life of monasticism and celibacy. I have spent the majority of my life as a loner. People decry this radical independence, but I have been very happy with it. I only feel lonely during or right after a relationship. It is nice to have someone in your corner watching your back, but the reality is that these are the people who betray you. My girlfriend stood by me when I didn't have a job. Then, as soon as I am employed again, she sticks it to me.

If I were to employ my covariance strategy to relationships, I would be involved in multiple relationships simultaneously like a lot of players I know. Sure, sometimes it blows up in their faces, but they are quick to rebound. They have options. It's not about being with someone or being alone for them. It is about who to be with on which night.

I find this shit to be morally repugnant. Of course, there was a time when I thought the same thing about atheism. But there are two truths that we cannot escape:

1. Love is bullshit.

2. You will always want love.

This is why infidelity is rampant. It is the winning strategy. Basically, the player has learned not to put all of his eggs in one basket. All the players I know have multiple jobs, projects, or what have you. They are hustlers, and they apply the science of hustling to women. They also seem very happy.

Anyway, I'm tapped out now on the angst, but I'm sure I'll be pissed again later.

Disposable Pleasures, or How to Get Over a Stupid Bitch

As many of you know, I got dumped last week. My girlfriend waited until I was out of town to drop the fucking bomb on me. Now, it is Saturday night. I've been in the bars drinking and chatting up the chicks. I had an opportunity with a 33-year-old who was separated from her husband for the last year. The fucker had been cheating on her. She found the receipts for the hotel rooms. Depressing shit. We spent the evening sharing stories over drinks.

My story does not compare to hers. I'm drinking right now, so I'm being very confessional. Way more confessional than if I was sober. I write. That's how I deal with shit. And writers drink. I've gone from beer to hard liquor now. Fuck it.

This is how you get over getting dumped. First, you cuss the bitch out. You tell her to go fuck herself. Then, you get good and drunk. Finally, you find some other chick, and you grudgefuck the living shit out of her.

Why did I get dumped? Let's just be straight and honest on this shit. It isn't because I cheated on her or because I'm some heinous bastard. I was just the flavor of the month. I was a fling. I was the object of infatuation for some bitch that is too young and too stupid to know any better. Needless to say, I hate her fucking guts.

I realize that I am acting a bit womanly about this shit. As someone told me, I needed to "man up" and move on. Fuck that. I can be stoic about a lot of shit like getting fired or having my car stolen. But not this shit.

I fell for this chick. Like a chump. It is a miracle considering how cynical I am. I'm so fucking pissed about this shit that I don't think I care to ever have another relationship again. I've already swore off marriage. Why not swear off girlfriends? Why not stick to the one night stand?

I've never been dumped before. I said she would be the first, and I was right. I always thought I was the problem in all my failed relationships. I was always the one to pull the plug. I figured if I stuck it out it would be different this time. Instead, it was the shortest relationship I have ever been in. It would have been shorter, but the bitch waited until I was out of town to pull the trigger on me.

The alcohol and the writing are working now. I feel a bit of catharsis now as I get this shit out. I tried to make up with her. I blamed myself. But I'm not to blame. She did her last boyfriend the same way she did me. I figure she is either back with him or wanted to get with some new guy. The chick is impestuous. Whatever she feels is how she lives. This will inevitably bring her to a bad end.

I sincerely hope she finds nothing but grief and heartbreak the rest of her life. I hope her next boyfriend does her like she done me. I want her to hurt like I hurt. I didn't ask her out. She asked me out. She started with me. She insisted that I trust her and open my heart to her. She told me she was different from all the otrher bitches I had ever been with. She suckered me. I fell for her. What a fucking idiotic move that was. Then, she woke up one day, didn't "feel" the love anymore, and tossed me like garbage.

This is the way women are. They are fickle. They wonder why men can't commit. Break a promise to a woman, and they will act as if the world has just ended. Yet, they never keep their promises. They respond not to logic or a code of honor but pure volatile emotion.

I wonder what the right strategy with women is, and I think James Bond had it right. Women are disposable pleasures, and nothing more. Treat them as anything more special than say a soda straw or a condom, and they will lose all respect for you. The surest way to make a woman fall out of love with you is to love them back. Treat them like the shit that they are, and they will keep coming back for more. I know because the lady in the bar plans on going back to her cheating husband. It pays to be a scoundrel.

Women are stupid. This is the bottom line. It is in their nature to be fickle, emotional, and without honor or virtue. Therefore, I have resolved to treat women as they deserve to be treated. My error lies in trying to be a straight up guy. No more. I do not believe in commitment or fidelity. A woman is a warm wet hole and nothing more. Fuckmeat. Decry my chauvinism if you will, but they are the ones playing the role given to them. They reward the evil and punish the good. I just report the facts.

It feels damn good to get this shit out and to tell it like it is. Plus, I am really plastered right now. There is no problem in this world that alcohol can't solve. Heh heh. . .

Fuck that bitch. She expects me to quietly acccept this shit. No fucking way. I loved her. Now, I hate her. This hatred will turn to indifference. Then, she will be forgotten as the worthless bitch that she is.

Off to sleep off this intoxication. Good night and good riddance.