Charlie's Blog: SOC 28


SOC 28

Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed.

As I write this, I am recovering from the flu. It has really kicked my butt. No, I didn't get a flu shot, and I do not believe in them. The doctors candidly admit they guessed wrong on this year's shot picking the wrong strain, but you should still get a flu shot anyway. The reality is they would be just as happy if you just paid for the shot without getting it. I see the whole thing as a scam to milk people and healthcare plans for more cash. Meanwhile, people who get the worthless flu shots go out with a false sense of confidence and get the flu.

Because of the flu, I have not wanted to blog. I just have not had the energy to put words on the screen. Not being able to write has not kept me from being able to think, and I think often of not ever blogging again. It has been about a month of being free of social media, and I feel very good about that. Not being a Twitter addict feels awesome, and I think another month will put social media behind me forever. It's not like a drug or drink addiction. I distinguish between addictions and bad habits, and social media is a bad habit. I don't think posting on Facebook causes the kind of issues that being strung out on heroin would cause.

I think about not blogging or writing for the simple fact that it eats a lot of time while giving nothing in return. I don't make money from this blog. I've been carrying ads for a few months, and my AdSense account has 4 cents in it. I am not making this up. I don't even earn one penny per hour for this gig. People in third world countries earning a dollar a day do better than I do with this blog. It's so ridiculous that I'm just going to remove the ads.

Why keep doing this? I can't answer that question anymore. I think time spent reading or listening to podcasts is better spent than writing on this blog. The reason social media is so addictive is that you have an audience there. It is guaranteed. No such guarantee exists with a blog. Either way, you aren't getting paid. The simple fact is that I made more impact retweeting other people's stuff than I have ever done writing my own stuff.

I am at a crossroads on this writing thing, and I think I am ready to give it up as a complete waste of my time. Being able to publish on the internet is a great opportunity because no editor bars my entry into this world. But it is farming in the desert. You can plant all you want, but nothing will grow without water. On the internet, the water is having an audience. I don't have an audience.

I don't know why some blogs become insanely popular while others don't. Most of the blogs I read on my Feedly aren't that popular, but I like them. They are mostly written by people with real lives in the real world doing real things. The blog is more like an online journal for them and a hobby.

I don't enjoy writing. The enjoyment stopped when I became Catholic. Before then, writing was a way of venting my spleen. I would get angry and release that anger on this blog or online forums. That anger has been replaced by a cool disappointment. I don't like the way things are in the world, but I don't expect them to change. Some people may call this depression, but I call it resignation. Depression is anger without enthusiasm, so this is why this might look like depression. But it is actually less anger.

The life that appeals to me is a quiet life. This blog was created in a loud period of my life marked by atheism and a revolutionary libertarianism. Now, I just grind out a daily existence. I traded in my electric guitar for some acoustic thing I play in a room alone. Now, I just want to take that six string to a pawn shop and forget that I ever played the thing.

This may be my last post here at the C-blog. I don't have it to give anymore. I'll probably let this blog go idle for awhile before I make it disappear. I just don't care about writing anymore.